BPDFamily.com

Hi all, this has been by far, one of the most interesting and painful 48hrs in my 30yrs.

My BPD girlfriend and I have been together for 7 months of pure joy and heaven. As I understand it, the typical beginning to a NONBPD and BPD love. She was open from the beginning about BPD and rapid cycling mood disorder. Well, it all started with an issue with our apartment, we are having a dispute with the landlord and are waiting for the 7 day notice to expire to move into a new place, then we own horses and our boarding facility is closing so we have to find a new place, finally her psychiatrist decides to supplement her Lamictal and rexulti with two different dopamine agonist (pramipexole and mypaxi). Thursday after work she said she was going to the pasture to think and I immediately saw the body language. She said she is scared of the relationship imploding due to moving into a new place and that evolved into doubting the relationship saying "I haven't been happy for a week". She'd been in a major depressive state since the day she tried the first new med. That Thursday, suddenly she appeared smiling and manic after work. I knew what was happening. After letting her be by herself she came back, cold and emotionally detached. She said she made a decision to end the relationship. We talked and of course, in my infinite wisdom, I pointed out the possibility of the new meds and stress being the trigger for an impulsive and harmful relapse into the BPD patterns. Btw, the dopamine agonists are known to cause impulsive control disorder, blows my mind that one of the top docs in Florida would suggest that in a BPD patient.

Anyway, yesterday, she came by after work to get her things. I was calm, controlled and firm without mirroring her coldness. As we talked, she began to thaw and I mentioned I had spoken with our neighbor (an extremely well known psychiatrist and clinician). I told her that he validated my thoughts as to the sudden shift and that she is making a mistake. Her wall dropped for a moment, she embraced me tightly and even kissed. She admitted she does still love me, but said she needed time to think. Today we have to meet at the apartment to figure out moving items and where things stand. I've been studying the hell out of BPD relationships and I'm at a loss as far as how to handle today's interaction. I've been working on my own self inventory and my own mental health the last 48hrs. I know she's running away from overwhelming stress, but she appears to have stopped and is looking back at me. Idk, I want us both to be happy. Mind you, our neighbor the doctor, knows our extensive personal mental health history and said "given the factors individually, we have the most healthy relationship he's seen in 20+ years".  We never fight and our disagreements are usually resolved immediately. She has been a dream with communication of feelings and our relations the entire duration, up until the last 48hrs, anyway. Can this still work? What should my tone/demeanor be whe we interact? Granted, I know I love her and I know she loves me. Mind you, she hasn't been seeing a therapist in several months.

I know it's a long post, but any help would be a blessing.

The change in behavior coinciding with a change in meds is not likely to be a coincidence, especially when combined with higher stress.  There is a very good chance you are spot on in your assessment that stress and med change is the likely cause of this sudden change.  Best you can do here is be patient with her, listen to her concerns and fears and maybe gently suggest she have her prescriptions reassessed.  

Thank you! I know I saw the feeling and life come back yesterday, but didn't want to go full out delusional. She says "the door is closed" and then says "just give me time to figure it out". So hope is crushed and as quickly hope is restored.

Hi Codepman 

Letting her find her own way through this stressful time is key. Your end could offer some low contact just checking in gently to let her know you are still there. How's that sound to you, manageable?

Trying to keep yourself emotionally grounded during a 'push' is hard but if you can it will really help both of you. There are no guarantees that she will come back, but she might.

How are you going to look after yourself with all this, where is your support?

*Update*

Well, she came back. Of course, I have been very cautious, but accepting. As every codependent, I caught myself attempting to be the fixer, but self corrected. Strangely, she has been genuinely explicitly honest and accountable for her reactions. She volunteered responsibility for her part and said "I must break these patterns on my own". Come to find out, one of the best BPD clinicians around is located here in town and she reached out to him before we met, yesterday. She even made the point that I need to continue working on my codependency and combat related PTSD, for my own individual wellness/betterment. We both agreed to take it day by day. She discussed her triggers she recognized from this wave and acknowledged the med adjustment was the straw that broke the camels back. When I told her about this website she lit-up and is creating an account this morning. I'm not sure if this site has ever had a person w/ BPD and their partner posting about their experiences, but we thought we'd give it a shot and perhaps it will benefit someone in this community. As always, Any thoughts, or even brutally honest assessments of our situation are needed and appreciated.