BPDFamily.com

Since early January she:

1) Posted a message to her FB friends stating that she had to tell somebody something and did not want to hurt them. It was clearly about me and she confirmed this the next morning after lying about it initially.

2) That next morning, she told me she was considering returning to her ten years old's dad, even though she stated that she does not love him. That evening he rejected her, we did talk, but the whole thing left me with a sour taste in my mouth.

3)  A few days later, things seemed to start getting better between us and we became somewhat physically intimate again.

4) About 4 weeks ago, we went to the city for her doctor's appointment and then her son's probation appointment. We became very physically sexual that day.

5) She told me that I should bring over the kids for dinner, but that didn't happen as she later informed me she had company: this guy Harry and his son. Later she told me that this "old friend" confessed his love for her and that she had "feelings" for him. We ended up texting and she told me to ease off the relationship and stop "smothering" her if things are too work.


6) The next weekend she unfriended me on Facebook for no clear reason (I hadn't even initiated contacted her that week) and then offered various explanations for this (my temper, I'm not spending enough time with my kids, I'm "obsessed" with her... .)


7) The following week she told me she heard I was talking trash about her on Facebook, even though she should not have been able to see my posts. She told me someone told her. I asked if it was a younger male employee (who I knew was attracted to her) and she stated that it wasn't him and further she that had unfriended him on Facebook. When I checked her account from another page and confronted her with this, she stated that she "though she had unfriended him" which made very little sense to me. To this day he is still on her friends list. She never explained why she would have unfriended him, nor did I figure out why she would want to make me think she had! Did they possibly have a tryst?


8) Soon thereafter she did not contact me for nearly a week. When she did, she left a message and when I didn't answer those I woke up to a barrage of text messages that got progressively angrier. She started with 'Everything OK?' then 'If you don't want to talk, say so" then "I will never bother you again" and later "goodbye forever."


9) The next day, I did break that brief NC and was soon over her house for the first time in a few weeks. We made plans for getting together that night. It turned out she was with Harry, who she claims is just a friend.


10) We resumed contact. She said Harry is no longer her friend because he ripped her off. She then oddly Facebook friended Harry's estranged GF who is taking him to court.

11) Upon returning home the other day, I noticed her son walking from my home. When I asked him if he needed a ride home he became jumpy. Later I discovered that my anxiety meds were missing and I knew he stole them. I called her and she of course defended him (He has a record for theft by the way and has been locked up a few times). She later agreed to come over and drop of some meds. She stayed only for about a minute or two and left. AT one point I moved towards her hoping for some affection, but got the feeling I should not, so I didn't.


We said good night and that was Wednesday. She has not contact me since. Are the odds likely she will contact me. especially given that I mostly don't initiate contact.


Does this situation sound like one I should leave forever?

Does this situation sound like one I should leave forever?

Yes! 

Thank you. Any other thoughts?

I don't know how old your gf is, but her behavior reminds me of junior high drama.  Grown women who behave this way are not likely to change.  I just see a lot of red flags waving. 

If a friend came to you asking for advice after telling this exact story, what would you say to them?  I know it's much harder when it's you who is in this situation, but I would just think about what you see for the future with her.  This could very well be only the beginning of a roller coaster relationship guaranteed to be filled with drama. 

You sound like an intelligent guy. You deserve better than this.

She's 48 actually. If a friend told me this and it wasn't my situation, obviously I'd tell him or her to run, not walk, away. It's my drama though.

Thank you. I am intelligent, to an extent, intellectually, emotionally it's a different story.

It's only your drama if you choose to put up with it.  I suspect if you continue the relationship, you will have to put up with it.  There are tools here you can use to deal with the drama, but you won't change who she is.  I really believe in that saying, "People show you who they are.  Believe them." 

Does it seem as if she may finally leave and cease contact with me? I mean given the incident with her son and then her brief interaction with me. I haven't heard from her in days now!

BPD behaviors such as the push/pull cycle, which you've already experienced, are fairly predictable.  My guess is she will contact you at some point and start the process all over again. 

About two days ago I noticed that I could again see her profile on my Facebook page meaning that she had unblocked me. I almost immediately blocked her myself just because I wanted to cause her some pain (sorry, I'm being honest to this extent.) Last night she texted me, asked me how I was doing, I said OK and she related to me how she just worked a 14 hour day (oddly enough, I saw her car parked outside her home mid-day, so I don't know if she's being honest) I texted her back with a comment like "You'll end up in the  hospital" (she is a stress case) and she took this as an insult and went on a diatribe about how tough she is and that she doesn't take "handouts" (obviously a shot at me given that my children and I were abandoned by their mother and I did need help for daycare and such- she's a hypocrite who receives about $2,000 a month from social security to watch her son, which she never does as she is always working and he's out committing petty thefts and such) I did apologize (I really should not have attempted to joke in a text message, it's liable to be taken wrong) and the conversation improved. She stopped responding and two hours after her last response I texted her again asking if she was OK and received no response. Earlier in the interaction, she felt compelled to tell me "Thanks for blocking me... " so I'm guessing she is pretty upset about it, even though she did the exact same thing to me. She told me she was "giving me a chance." I was going to call her this evening, but as of now I haven't. I have no clue where this is going!