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Ok. Today is day five. If I can make it through today it will be a record for NC. Actually I think by being on day five it already is 

I have sort of been fb stalking her though truthfully.  There's this guy named Marvin.  About seven or eight weeks ago she posted a picture of her and Marvin At a biker bar listening to a band. 

Well on feb 12th her and I went to a musical and spent night at a b & b. Had a good evening till that morning when I told her I was tired of everything on her terms (ie she's using me).

Anyhow feb 13 Marvin tags her in a post on fb and they were at a cheap local bar. Classy for a Valentine's outing.  But maybe it was just as friends who knows.

Anyhow he likes almost everything she posts. Etc.

I know I'm reading into it but just seems like there's potential there.

So last night Marvin was tagged in a game night with two other guys and two girls. Three of the people who she is also friends with (again new friends from bar scene).

I'm sort of surprised she wasn't there honestly. I saw she was on fb around midnight last. And she didn't like that picture either yet. 

It's sort of odd she wasn't there and as jealous as she can be. If Marvin is her new interest I wonder how it will be received. 

Also I find it odd that she didn't sign onto fb before bed too.  I can't believe on a Saturday night that she was in bed by twelve.  Especially given she didn't play her round of trivia crack with me before bed either. 

Sort of makes me think she Is with someone else last night. So she couldn't get on fb or play trivia as she may have been with a guy.  

Anyhow. Sorry.  I know i know. Too much taking up of my thoughts or renting space in my head

My advice is to deactivate FB. By continuing to monitor her activity you are still attached, what you are doing is not true NC. It seems to me you are wreaking havoc on yourself, I would suggest you cease with all avenues to this woman, reset your NC counter and when you feel the need to peek into her life, do something else, ANYTHING ELSE, so you can begin to detach and heal.

Be good to yourself.

I'm sorry you are going thru this. But do NOT let this woman use and abuse you. Remember it's all about them. They don't care how many broken hearts they leave behind them. The next one is just within reach. Get off FB! No good can come of it. Go strict NC. Every time you want to break it think of all the terrible things she has done to you. And doesn't care about doing it to you either. We are not dealing with normal people here. Remember that. I myself have to everyday. I got off FB 2 weeks ago bc of crazy fake messages that I know can only be my ex. Why she did it could only be for me to break the NC.  I will be honest I would chase her in the beginning bc I just didn't know what the hell was going on. When I found out about BPD I was like hell no! I stopped chasing her and just tried to help her. All that got me was being painted black and a threat of a no contact restraint order. So be kind to yourself. Love yourself. Join a gym! Put all your anger in that gym and leave it there. Live for you! There is another girl out there who is gonna love you for you! I know it hurts ! I know it $ucks! But it's time to move on. One day at a time! Vent here! We will listen!

Day 5, Skopikaz, so good! Facebook is a hard one to let go of... .you know I know.

It is so hard to imagine what they are doing. I know why my ex is not texting me and I am praying for God's help in detaching, praying for the ability to trust his way for both of my ex and I. Have you read any books on codependency, S? What was most helpful for me was the stuff about control-- how codependency is a lot about control. So letting go of control (in my case, for example, not going to the drag show with her even though I knew it would probably mean she would hook up with someone else) is a huge part of healing and growing. I can see that she wouldn't be the best relationship for me, because letting go of control would probably mean that she would hurt me in the ways I don't want to get hurt. And I want both to let go of control and not get hurt. 

I like to think I'm stronger than having to block her at this point. I blocked her twice already in past two months and both times she asked me not to shut her out.  Then I sort of threatened to again and she played the "if you block me you also have to block my kids too" card. Just because she knows i love them as well.

Anyhow I know I will over come this.  Not a matter of if but when. Obviously the when will likely be sooner if i did go total nc

The thing is I did unfollow her on fb which Again was a baby step considering I still look at her page.

I'm trying that's all i can do.

Now a good test will be if she were to actually text me to see if or how quickly I respond.