BPDFamily.com

Hello,

First time here... .I hope to gain some support and tell my story possibly to help others heal. Despite being a psych nurse for 30 years, I fell for a ex-colleague who I suspected (and later confirmed) was a borderline. I blew past every warning sign, past every stop sign thinking I could change her if I just loved her enough. She left abruptly 50 days into the relationship leaving me battered, broken and wondering what the hell just happened.

hey harleypsychRN and *welcome*

i remember my own abrupt ending, and i want to let you know youre not alone in this; many here know it well, and youre in good company. ive heard BPD referred to as an "invisible disorder", a term i gripe with since some people more overtly present dysfunction than others, but ive read stories of people in your profession being involved in these relationships, try not to kick yourself.


you have our support, we are here for you 24/7. would you like to tell us some more of your story?

Yes,

I ended my marriage because I had fallen in love with my "friend" from work. She was on an "on again-off again" relationship with a guy for the past four years. She described him as a Narcissist. I had fallen for her right before she left with him (again) in 2013. I didn't hear from her for about a year and three months, all of a sudden she is emailing me (if I only know then what I know now about BPD) saying he was a drunk and a "child", etc, etc. Only to find out that right before leaving me, she had re-established contact with him, apparently talking bad about me (sound familiar?) Long story short, I confronted her about her problems telling the truth and she left the next morning. What I have come to find out as a result of heavily researching BPD, is this is classic borderline behavior. She idolized me before she got back and then just a quickly tore me down. She left without a hug, handshake or even turning around to look at me.

thats pretty tough, harley. sounds like a pretty confusing whirlwind. i think the dynamic you are describing here is triangulation. you can read more about it on this thread and see if you think it applies: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0

i noticed in another thread you mentioned youre interested in examining your role in a therapeutic sense. have you had an opportunity to take a look at the lessons (links) to the right?

Although I have worked with BPD clients in a therapeutic setting, this was of course atypical. My ex told me she was "bipolar" (but under control) which she might have been (but doubtful that she was bipolar at all now). She was a terrific actress, with a problem with the truth. Only when I was with her did she show me the numerous scars from cutting (Uh-huh) but by then I was in too deep. She was a terrific wordsmith, having a knack for explaining away everything.  What fooled me was that she was functional at work, but interpersonally, not so much. The lies got so thick, I'm not sure what was real and what was made-up. As for the triangulation, I have no idea... .I told her that I was not interested in a relationship  where honesty was not a core value. She left the next day. I miss her but the relationship was exhausting and once I discovered her problems with the truth, there's no way I wanted to continue.