BPDFamily.com

hi all

I have been in this forums for a while but recently i decided to join and open my self to support.

I was with my ex for almost 3 years, i went into that relationship right after  my divorce. i have a business and when the high was high and the money flowing she was the best thing ever. her BPD traits started to show but i didn't know anything about BPD back in the day. i was going insane trying to convince her that i was in love with her and that when the time would come i would marry her, but the pressure and the projections were getting worse by the day. i was a confident man and a go-getter, since we had so many break ups and always dumping me when i was getting closet to her, i cant seem to recognize myself anymore. we had a horrible fight, last one where she really pushed me to the limit and we both got violent with each-other, it was bad and is been almost 3 months, scabs are still falling off from it. i got PTSD from this and other fights, nevertheless my brain is playing tricks on me and two months after NC she sent me a song (love was my alibi) and i replied to her the next day (stupid me) then she sent a few more loving songs just enough to  mess with my head. she called me the next day and talked to me about 30 minutes.

the day after she went on the weekend skiing trip with some people and one of them was a guy that had shown interest on her while she was with me, as stupid as i was i went to check her FB and i saw that she posted a picture public with the people and tagged him there too (I don't understand the meaning of that and why would one hurt someone intentionally, Why would one make appearances in your life and then hurt you). i was devastated and send her a letter that i was working for so long on it, to show her that i wasn't the man that she portrays me to  be, this monster in her eyes and then at the end of the letter i said happy skiing so she would get it why i got mad and blocked her from my phone and the FB.

she sent me an email  a few hours later that had nothing to do with text i sent to her and she said: I don't appreciate you blocking me to avoid the bill (there is a bill that i am suppose to take care of) and yet another lie and promise that you wont keep she said. i got madder and i said. you are missing the whole point of the text and please do not contact me ever again and when the bill comes just drop it on my mailbox and i will take care of it, i keep my promises i said to her just like i described on my text.

i get the whole concept of BPD now and understand that they dont feel like we do about break ups but for some reason i cant seem to get her off my head. never been so hurt in my life and yes i do have some childhood problems, i am seeing therapist but again she's in my head 24/7. please help, any suggestions and does it get better because it seems to get worse for me. please forgive me for any mistakes i might have made since english is my second language.

Hey heartbroken, I think it's normal to obsess a bit after a b/u with a pwBPD.  The disorder is so complicated and confusing that it can be hard to wrap one's head around it, which leads to a lot of pondering and ruminating.  The best thing to do, I suggest, is to tell yourself "cancel" when thoughts of her come up.  You can even say it out loud, if necessary.  Basically, you are consciously telling your mind to "drop it" and let to.  You might have to repeat as necessary, but honestly it works.

LuckyJim

I can relate! The fact that they actively seek other partners, while still engaged in your own goings on is heartbreaking. They keep you invested until they feel safe enough with a new supply. I have been no contact for around 9 months and still have thoughts about her fairly regularly. I've had a hard time wanting to get to know new women as a result. Empathize with your pain buddy.

Yes, it's devastating to you and leaves you twisted up.  My ex was tiptoeing around reconciliation, all the while having a r/s with my replacement. I call him my replacement because he is, in fact, my replacement.  I didn't know about him at the time, though she claims he knew all about me (and what we were talking about).  It was extremely hurtful (and still is) to have found out she was (once again) running parallel lives. 

I find many here lucky that they don't work with their exes.  Not only do I work with mine, but I also work with my replacement.  This makes healing even more of a task, since I get to see the aftermath of 'us' and hear about (whether I want to or not) the happens of her new "unbelievably great" r/s with the new guy.  Pretty much now when she sees me, she gives me her "F you" face... .like I was the bad guy of our r/s.   

not that i am having a hard time to want to get to know other women, i am actually hating them right now and i know it is not fair to put them all in the same pot. she has done this a few more times to me, when we were on and off (because of her and sometime because of me, she was driving me nuts) she kept contact, and she even slept with me when i told her i need a few weeks to clear my head. after two weeks i took her to dinner and told her that i am willing again to make things work and give her what she wanted, only to find out that she had moved in at her exes house (we had so many problems because of him, obviously she was the one keeping him around) and she had replaced my name right away on a few events that were to come, halloween party (i went to check in and his name was there instead of mine) her birthday party (same situation) and after i found out that she went apple picking with him (that was our thing and i was intending to propose her that way) while she was sleeping with me and even she had the balls to ask me if i had slept with anyone while she spend the night over. the next day she despaired on me and didn't call for 24 hours. she was suppose to meet me after "diner with her friends" and never showed up and answered my phone calls.

this woman has f*cked me up so bad mentally and physiologically.  i have the logic but i am so damn depressed and i have no will for anything.

Sending songs must be out of some BPD playbook somewhere. If I ever get sent a song by a girl again, I don't know how I'll react. My ex has already used that trick again on the new ones.