BPDFamily.com

Hi all

I have posted something before and i got some support from all the great people in here, but no matter what i do and what i tell myself i can't seem to get my BPD ex out of my mind. It has come to a point that I even made a tattoo today (a scar with stitches next to my ribs) to remind me of her and the pain she had caused me. I don't know how to feel anymore and i am afraid of my own thoughts and depression. i have seen a therapist for the entire time i was with her. i hired a more advanced person that deals strictly with BPD relationship and to today is my first session. We been together on and off for 3 years and every time we broke up i was the one trying to make things work. Now i am more educated about BPD and even though my logic is there, my emotions say otherwise.

She made contact after two months sending me a song and the the next day she called me and we were on the phone for 40 minutes like we weren't broken up at all. After that she went on a skiing weekend with a group of people and one of them had shown interest while we were together. For a person that claims to love me and blames me for not loving her enough that is cruel. I want to understand what is the meaning of that! Why would one hurt another intentionally. I have blocked her since then but i still see her playing sad music on Spotify.

Has anyone had a similar situation? She has done stuff like that before but i had to find out later on in the relationship, never to rub it in my face like this.

Please help!

All I can say is I feel you man ... .I am almost two months out from a breakup ... .a very hurtful / suddenly silent treatment kind of breakup.  It is hard ... .I miss her a lot and I keep fighting my urges to reach out to her.  These people do incredibly mean things ... .I guess they don't intend to be that way, but when on the receiving end of it, it doesn't really matter if they intended it or not ... .it feels the same way no matter what.

I was doing better but the last day has been a little more difficult than I want it to be.  The problem is that I tend to have an initial very positive memory pop into my head and then I have to go through a series of reminders to "unravel" the pleasant thought.  It sucks to do that, but you cannot let your mind run with sentimental and pleasant thoughts because it will drive you crazy.  I can't tell you not to look her up online or do some innocent "stalking" online, but the less the better... .it can become all-consuming.  This is a note to self, too ... .STOP IT!

As hard as it is now, it is just a period of time with an endpoint as long as you don't keep going back to her.  Otherwise, you are signing up for more and more of the cruelty.  Let yourself get through this grieving period and be done with it.  She has something that will not be fixed any time soon or ever.  This is long-term heartache if you keep this relationship going.   

Hang in there! Things do get better, I keep telling myself that this was inevitable and if I had stayed with my ex I was only postponing my freedom, joy, happiness, sanity. There never is a "good time" to end a relationship and even though we truly love them, they are disorederd and CANNOT love us or themselves.

I knew I had to walk away, I didn't want to face it but it had to happen and better now then later. I tried my best, I gave her everything I had and that almost cost me my life. I now know she would have used my death as pity for her and in reality probably not even shead one single genuine tear. Nothing we can do to help them but leave and hope they realize who they are. Good luck and remember you are NOT alone.

Dude it sucks. I know it sucks I know you're hurting and I know you don't give a crap about anything right now because all you want is for this pain to stop and all it feels like is that if she would just come back and act differently it would all go away.

I can't tell you what you want to hear or I would. We all are in the same boat or were at one time. You got involved with someone who is not a good person as much as you don't want to let go of that reality.

If you want to start feeling better my best suggestion for you is to get your hands on every single thing you can read and keep reading everywhere you go I just stay away from her when you finally start to understand how hopeless the situation is you will start to not personalize it so much. I have been through the exact same thing with someone that I could not even believe who she was at the end. What I did was talk to other girls who were open enough to tell me what the hell was really going on. I don't think you understand the level of manipulation that was probably being done and who knows what else behind your back.

Dude its ok cry listen to sad music be angry whatever you need to do because the only thing that's going to ultimately make you feel better is time. Sometimes there's just nothing you can do in life and it's the mature person who realizes to just say nothing and do nothing and walk away and you know what it really is the easiest thing to do it's the easiest action but its so hard to put into practice. One day you will get a little bit of power back if you just walk away and keep your mouth shut and when you do when she comes to you and you no longer want her anymore and you just don't care that's when you will start to feel much better.

You can't fight this disorder and win I'm sorry. I'm genuinely sorry because reading your post I know how you feel I've been there very recently