BPDFamily.com

Some recent history and background of what’s going on right now with our S10:

He was moved, this year, to the District’s emotional support school due to his behavior, suspensions, etc;

In the new setting things have gotten better, but not good enough;

Last episode we had S10 ended up punching himself in the face and banging his head against the ES teacher’s wall when discussing this episode;

S10s behavior was the worst last spring while we were going through coparent counseling;

Over the last two years we had the benefit of additional help through WrapAround Services (therapist that comes to the house for S10) but Ex did not participate at all;

I have since terminated wraparound services;

After one of his last epsiodes, ex agrees to take him to a new therapist, therapist #2;

Ex has already not been consistent with therapist #2 in making appointments and has already started waivering in that “maybe he’s not the right fit for S10,”;

Through this all we’ve mentioned considering medications for S10, I suggest we start off with simple bloodwork, I tell ex this, and make an appointment.  Simple thing;

The labs uncover a potential gluten sensitivity requiring further testing;

In the time period surrounding the bloodwork which I initiated and carried out, ex will elude to the pending bloodwork causing him issue at school.  She used his morning bloodwork on a Friday morning as potentially contributing to his bad behavior that day at school.  Given ex’s history of using these things to supplement her emotional neediness, I provide a bare minimum of information.  Ie. I informed her the day after we had S10s blood drawn for fear that she would talk to him incessantly about the tests and mess with his anxiety;

Her ongoing diatribe about “you” below pretty much describes her own behavior.

   

So now she wants to do things “together” and hire an advocate. 

Some other things going on right now:

Me taking the boys on a FLA vacation next week;

Ex has them for spring break the following week and wanted to go on a cruise.  However, I demanded some formal agreements on what and where the Passports for the boys are stored and she dropped the idea.  Dropped the idea and wouldn’t agree to my conditions, never to be brought up again. 

Incidentally, in our very first couple's therapy session we were both told about "you" statements.  This is how she's spoke tom e ever since.

Initial salvo:

Scraps,

I spoke with S10’s Friend’s Mom.  She is using an special education advocate to assist in IEP meetings and reviews in order to navigate the upcoming transition to middle school. I am wondering if you would be interested in looking into this as well.  I am uneasy about the transition. So is S10 Friend’s Mom. She actually had an independent evaluation done that the district paid for. She is looking into approved private schools that the district would pay for. Her feeling is that the middle school is too big. S10's Friend’s Brother is there so she knows more first hand.  Have you returned the permission form for the eval? Let me know if you want to reach out to get more info. Her name is Ms. X.

How did S10 do with Therapist 2? Is he still seeing Therapist 1?

Ms. ExScraps

My response:

Ms. ExScraps,

I have concerns with middle school as well.  On top of the issues of transitioning to middle school according to Dr. Ped S10 is approaching pre-puberty.

All this considered I don't know that I'm ready to hire an advocate.  The time and expense invested could lead to an uncertain outcome of placement.  My opinion is that it may be better to deal with the certainty of going to the middle school and deal with the specific issues to make that a better outcome for S10 than to invest time spent with an advocate. 

I just mailed the re-eval form today as being in agreement with going forward.  We do need to sit down and start drawing up the transition plan, regardless.

Scraps

Latest, unaddressed response:

Scraps,

Are you interested in deciding things together?  Because it feels like you are making decisions without my agreement or input. Two recent examples: you taking S10 to get blood work done and returning the Permission to Evaluate and deciding against my suggestion without further discussion. 

I am trying to work with you for what is best for S10. I can go forward with what I want without your consent, but I have not, however, you have done just that - moved forward before agreement from me.  I have my own thoughts and opinions and how we move forward isn't just your decision.  I will ask for your respect for my input.  When I ask for something, it doesn't get immediately dismissed because you disagree. I will continue to try to work with you as well, but you don't get to make the final decision regarding S10. 

I will be contacting the advocate.  I would like to hear what she says.  I would welcome information about options that may exist for S10 outside what the school district offers.  That doesn't necessarily mean outside the district.  There are options that can be provided within the district, but we may not know to ask and they may not offer.   

Also, I would like to have stipulated some information about the re-eval.  Times and dates to be disclosed to us and also splitting up the testing so that it isn't around PSSA testing.  Also need to have him tested in the AM.  You have to understand that placement decisions and the IEP for middle school will be written around this evaluation. And the evaluator is not unbiased. The school psychologist works for the school and has the school's interests as a priority. When you have an independent evaluation, the evaluator's bias is towards the family and the student.   I do not want S10 to get "screwed" out of what he needs because we let the school decide what's best for him.

Ms. ExScraps

This sounds exactly like my SD's uBPDbm. She will put on a show of concern and cooperation for a few days. As soon as we start to poke holes into her suggestions (ok, it takes her three hours to do a few math problems with SD but maaaaaybe that's not practical), she takes major offense and turns it around like we were trying to attack her. It's impossible to have a productive conversation.

Thank you.  I was thinking I was going... .crazier.