BPDFamily.com

Hi, everyone  :)

Right now, I'm really excited I've found this place and joined! I guess I'll start with a bit of information about my relationship & myself. I've never been exceptionally great at these though, so please feel free to ask me any questions you might have should you be curious about something or feel like I've left something out.

I'm currently in a relationship with a 29yo man (I'm turning 28 this month) who was diagnosed with BPD as well as PTSD a good few years back. We've known each other since I was 4, so he's been in my life in one way or another for going on 24 years now. It also means that I've been present for the better part of his extremely difficult childhood, and the aftermath of it. We've been on again/off again since our mid-teens, but could never really make it work. In hindsight, I think I was just too young and insecure to effectively set boundaries and hold my own.

After our last breakup (which happened around the age of 21) we spent a few years with minimal contact while he relocated to a different city for work and I went back to school. After he moved back three years later, we hesitantly reconnected and - once we decided it was something we both wanted - actually succeeded in taking it slow while giving it another shot.

This time around has been a whole different adventure. I think we've both grown up a lot, and we're doing really well. We also go to counseling together once every two weeks so we have a place to talk through some of the more challenging stuff with a 'buffer' present should we need it, which has helped a lot. We absolutely have our difficult moments/days/weeks, but all in all I am really happy with how things are going.

What I am struggling with is not my relationship, but the lack of understanding from the other people in my life. I don't really have anyone around me that I can talk to when we go through a rough patch - What I need most in those moments is a boost, not someone telling me to run. They can't seem to see the truly lovely, sweet, caring and hilariously funny guy that's occasionally overshadowed by his BPD. I do understand that BPD is difficult to grasp for people who have no direct experience with it, but *that* is my main issue right now... lack of community. This is the first place I've encountered where the main focus seems to be on exactly that, so I hope I've found my place here  :) Looking forward to sharing thoughts with everyone in the future!

Hello HopeAndCoffee,

*welcome*

It sounds like you are doing the right things to support your relationship. 

On whatever board here, whatever the r/s designation, it's a common theme that those in "real life" don't really grasp what it's like to have a person with BPD in our lives. I hope to hear more and how we can offer a collective supportive ear, HAC. 

Turkish

Thanks for the welcome! :)