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Our anniversary is coming up and I have a week off to work around the house. I want to spend the week in-between trying to reduce my own anxiety and plan to reduce the conflict we, almost, certainly will have: special days are hard.

I think I have my BPDW able to accept that we will not being going on an expensive trip. I hope. I've been bringing it up, gently, since last fall, explaining that paying another semester of college out of pocket we just can't afford a trip. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that her feelings of disappointment won't resurface at the last minute. ... .

She identifies so strongly that grand gestures give her importance, or value, or meaning. But, whenever she plans an event it's a disappointment. My birthdays turn into heartbreaking events, because she makes big plans and doesn't pull them off. So we spend "my" day taking care of her and reassuring her and consoling her. I try not to be disappointed, especially since I always know it's going to happen. (This has gone on since childhood with my BPDMom. I don't like it, but I get it.)   

Anyway, since I've pushed the idea that we can't do a trip and I don't want to deal with the disappointment of her failed plans, I'm in charge of our anniversary festivities. So, the day isn't even here, yet, and I'm walking on eggshells.

Not to mention what will happen when I'm doing the work around the house. If I ask for her help there will be Hell to pay. She'll spend hours having a melt down over being asked to paint a wall. Then she'll get paint everywhere and I'll spend more time fixing the mistakes than it would have taken me to do it myself.

... .sigh... .

It's just ridiculous that such ordinary things can make a person come so completely undone. It's equally ridiculous that with two of us it should lighten the load, but things are many times harder.

Do something every other day.

1 day take her to the beach (even if it's cold) or other outdoor event. They love having everything planned to the T. Bring lunch and blankets and maybe even a laptop to watch a movie as the sun sets.

Another day, take her to the zoo. Never met a BPD that doesn't love the zoo.

And a art event or something of that nature.

Then a day with friends.

To her it will be better then any vacation you could of had. Even better if you fix up the house at the same time and she might even volunteer to help you (though you will probably lose the time gained because of snuggling).

GL and have fun. Stress levels will be lower if you do this, for both of you.

Thanks, nagum. I do think she'd love the zoo. I, also, think celebrating more than one day would make the week special.

I hear you on the special days are stressful. In my experience, we can keep them relatively 'blow-up free' when I focus on low key, but meaningful activities for us to do. Something that's not too stressful, but special. Our last anniversary, I cooked him a meal that is one of my grandmother's recipes. It's a *lot* of work so I don't cook it often, but he loves it and so a relatively simple thing (I mean, at the end of the day we ate a meal in the kitchen lol) became a rather grand gesture.

I also really love naguma's idea of doing multiple things spread across a couple of days, going to remember that for myself  :)

Good luck! And hopefully things will turn out good and you get to spend your anniversary enjoying each others' company  :)