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I have no clue what cycle I am in... .my emotions are all over the place.  I want to say I bounce... .I know I am depressed, severely depressed.  I am only 2 weeks post breakup, am I rushing it? 

Yes you are, Confused. It is good that you are reading, but one rarely makes it through the lessons in the order they are set out, sometimes one goes back, sometimes one jumps forward. It's OK. As long as you make it through the day healing will come in its own time. Keep reading, keep thinking about the relationship and also allow yourself space to sit with your feelings. When I was really bad with my BPD ex I would take it one hour at a time. Well, here I am  :)

Hope you are getting some exercise and sunshine every day? Were there things you used to do before the relationship that somehow fell away? At least think about doing them and how good they made you feel!

You are going to get through this. Two weeks is a short time, but although it varies for all of us 30 days NC seems to be about the point at which one starts to recover.

hey confusedandangry  

you might be confusing the lessons with the stages of detachment or grief? you can find the lessons here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.msg1331263#msg1331263

as for whether or not you are rushing it, i would say that at two weeks out, it is quite common to be all over the place, depressed, severely depressed. healing is not linear and neither are the stages of grief. how is your depression effecting you?

My depression is all over the place and effecting most aspects of my life.  I don't eat, sleep, hydrate or concentrate on anything... .I cry uncontrollably and out of no where... .

Before the relationship.i enjoyed all of life.  I enjoyed just listening to wind chimes, but now the sound is not pleasant.  I spent a lot of time at the dog park with my dog... .she walked off and left her dog with me... .so not only did she abandon me, she abandoned the dog... .which I love and it is better off with me... .she is to irresponsible to take care of her... .h%ll, she walked off and left her children when they were little... .anyway... .I use to enjoy photography and showing my art... .

im so sorry confusedandangry  .

everything is so incredibly raw in the aftermath of these relationships, and we are often in a state of devastation. i can tell you that i didnt function for weeks, maybe months. i had at least daily crying spells as well. so on one hand i can tell you that youre not alone in what youre experiencing and that it is relatively common to suffer from serious depression in the aftermath of these relationships. on the other hand depression can spiral out of our control. you may want to give things some time, but have you considered seeing a doctor or a therapist?

I am seeing both this week... I

that is terrific news. my doctor at the time prescribed me some anti-anxiety medicine to get over the hump. 20 pills and I only needed ten. After that I was sleeping well which really helped with my demeanor.

I am not saying you have to take meds (I am against them for the most part), but it did help me get back on track.

I also enjoy photography and writing. I think it is funny how my ex would start to like art and photography after I met here. they really conform to you.

take care and let us know how true first T and D visit go! You are on you way to finding yourself once again, with great learning experience you just us.