BPDFamily.com

So for this coming Monday the counselor wants a list of all conflict in the past two months.

Below is his homework assignment.


1.       Describe each incident—what was the problem/situation

2.       Describe your response—include tone, bodily actions, volume, behavior.

3.       Describe the result in your family.

4.       Have (ff wife) verify that all incidents that she remembers are present in this short two month history. If there is disagreement about what constitutes an example of this, I want it to be included and I will be the final judge of its relevance/significance.

end of homework assignment.  There is other homework but it involves listening to sermons and other "big picture" stuff.

I have a conflict calendar and notes on most of it.  I'll tweak it a bit and send it to him. 

My guess is that he has an idea there is "button pushing" going on (her pushing my buttons) or that he needs to get an idea of the "scope" of what the last two months looks like.

FF

It appears the homework is for you to provide, and just ensure FFw gets to include what you may have forgotten?

If so, this is kinda neat that he is having you 'lead' the homework, but then consider her input.

Sounds like he is establishing some roles as the process is under way?

I am sure you have thought of this but... .

Is there a way to remain in a role to not trigger her... .  By not showing her the list, but reading off what you included?  So she has no ammo to nitpick and marinate over anticipating a bad session?

I have a good feeling about your MC, I hope she continues to feel it is productive and that she is getting something out of it... .and can stick with it.

Yes, I am in charge. 

The analogy is that God is in charge.  God put me in charge of my wife. 

Just like my wife has a choice to obey or rebel against God, my wife has a choice to rebel or follow my leadership.

If she follows my leadership, as long as I am not asking her to sin, she is essentially blameless.  I am held accountable.

FF

Once you lay out to the MC the incidents of the past two months (parental alienation, attempting to keep you from sleeping, etc), I can't imagine that your wife will sit still for this.  What do you anticipate will happen? 

This is why my H refused twice recently to go to counseling.  He doesn't want me telling what his behavior is like, and he knows he cannot deny it all to a counselor and not look like he is lying. 

I have no idea.  I suspect she will rationalize or try to explain why she "had" to do this or that.

This is a situation where I am not going to try and "play it".  I've been asked, I'll lay it out there, the chips will fall,

Whatever happens, my guess is that it will be interesting.

FF

Hey FF,

I am getting a little "nervous" concerning MC. I am looking at our sessions as the last gasp attempt to save our marriage. Not sure how my wife views it.

Like you say lay it out there and see where the chips fall. Yes it will be interesting.

Wish you and your wife the best

BF

Byfaith,

If you can get to a place of not being nervous, I think it will go much better.

I'm going to lay it out there.

If I have a chance to validate, I will. 

Less nerves equals a better chance for me to listen, be relaxed and NOT be reactive.

If she can't handle it, that is for her to sort out.

FF