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I applied for legal aid over the phone last Friday. They told me they would make a decision and mail me a letter in 5 days. I have a po  box in a nearby town that I can only check on Thursdays. Today there was a letter asking me to fax the parenting agreement and an abuse time line by Sunday or they will deny my case. I am trying to fax online but haven't been successful yet.  And I am not sure what an abuse timeline is.  Any suggestions?  Stressing a bit over here!

Hi LilMe,

It sounds like they aren't being all that helpful 

They are probably trying to figure out two things: 1) what kind of abuse; and 2) the duration, including specific events.

If you don't have documentation (which can be hard to do when you're living with someone who is controlling/abusive), then it might help to think through the types of abuse and make some headings with descriptions of what you've been dealing with. This might help you think about the types of abuse you've experienced:

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It makes it easier to build a case when there is documentation (protection orders, 911 calls, as well as your own recordings of abuse -- email, text, video). My L told me to write down what happened each day, which I did for about six months before I left. Since this is happening after the fact, maybe it's best to talk in general terms about what types of abuse you've experienced (and describe some of the instances of what happened). In particular, you might want to focus on any abuse toward the children.

Lawyers and courts seem to get more activated when there are kids involved.

Do you have friends and family who can sit down with you while you put together a timeline? I also used my email to help me reconstruct things (and eventually started tracking things on a calendar). When you're under extreme stress and anxiety like you probably are right now, and probably were in the marriage, it can be very difficult to remember things -- when they happened, the order. Memory seems to go pretty quickly when you're in survival mode.

One thing you could do is to reconstruct what happened and when, and then enter them into a Google calendar. That's what I did, and then, when I was ready to see it laid out in chronological order, I went to the "agenda" view and it printed out all in order for me. I gave it to my lawyer and she used that to put together her strategy.

Thank you for the advice. I have been keeping a journal and have a few incidents documented in the system. uBPD doesn't let me out of his sight often, so it is hard to get records organized. I typed up a statement and faxed everything over this morning.  He yelled at me on and off all day. He doesn't like me going on the computer. They called my cell this afternoon but I was in the car with him and couldn't answer. They left a message to call Mandy morning at 9. I will have to go out in the barn or somewhere he won't hear me.

He was so awful today the children are very upset. I tried to comfort them and told them things will get better. My 7 year old son said things will never get better. I hope we can get out of here and heal.