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I had a 30 year relationship with my exbp who I loved dearly. Well the person she made me think she was, I loved dearly. She wasn't this person. I finally hit my mark to be done and blocked her on my phone and email, but only restricted her on FB. All because I figure this is the finality that will set her off to some mental state that isn't good for either one of us. In all honesty, I haven't looked at her page once. Thats not the issue, but I keep reading how NC is blocking all communication. I figure I have because she can't write on my page. She doesn't have it in her to write a personal message and she can't see any of my posts. I truly want to be healthy and move on. (Even if I am dealing with FOG right now. I know it will eventually lift)

I've read they take the blocking on social media as we are angry and hurting. I am neither. Sure, I am pissed I lost 30 years to her, but I also learned more about myself from this relationship than any other, and I am not hurting or angry. I knew it would never be normal on this last recycle.

Am I wrong with not blocking her on FB?

People with BPD or not block you only if they are mad or hurt. Did you tell her the relationship was over? My ex ghosted me just simply disappeared. So it's just a BPD thing.

I left her. After 30 years (of her leaving me repeatedly with the famous silent treatment).

I told her if I saw the first sign of former abuse I would leave and so I did.

Now I am contemplating if Facebook should be done as well.

If she abused you and you broke up with her like a man should after 30 years then I see nothing wrong with blocking her on Facebook. It's up to you but sometimes ghosting can escalate into violence.

Oh yes the silent treatment break up. Brutal isn't it? They don't care. We can only handle ourselves buddy

lets set aside NC as there are no hard or fast rules, and lets set aside what might or might not be in her head as it would be pure speculation.


can you elaborate here? was the restriction to provoke her?

I think the restriction was to be sure first. No, it could've been to treat her like a follower, give her something, so to speak. Also she had plastered my page with posts so I felt like I would look the irrational one to mutual friends. I just want to move on. I don't want her to suffer, but I have nothing left to say. Should I send her a final letter? I don't know what to do. I feel she was warned and after 30 years of her knowing exactly what she does wrong, why waste more energy?

Yes I do personally feel like you should send a letter. It's the right thing to do and later on you'll feel better about yourself.

Thanks Hurting. I'm sure you're right. Just sick n tired of being th ebigger person with her.

I know we are supposed to be compassionate with mental issues, but they weren't with our feelings, time, etc. Kinda fed up with protecting her. I guess I should. Thanks for your feedback.

sure about what? do you mean in the sense of judging by her reaction? what kind of posts was she plastering your page with?

We are former best friends, lovers, enemies, best friends, lovers, then on this last recycle she made sure to let all our mutual friends know we are the best of friends again. (even though I live far away and was only talking to her on the phone on occasion... ) It was uncomfortable for me since our circle doesn't know the truth to us, or to her illness. (that she admits she has... )

We've had repeated discussions on my not getting past all the abuse done to me. How she knows she's BP but decided to become a therapist instead. As the covert abuse started back up, I held true to my word and blocked her. I simply restricted her because I know she is going to take the embarrassment of FB (as silly as it sounds) very hard, due to all the mutual friendships.

I just want to be free. I don't want her to suffer. I don't want to toy with her as she did me. I feel like she's been given warnings, discussions, effort repeatedly on my end. I just don't know how to handle this illness and the final goodbye.

I simple straight forward letter. I'm going to bed but I'll be back on tomorrow and I'll tell what I think.

Pal, if she BPD, she knows right from wrong. This is all about you sir.

I'm a girl. And I agree. It's PTSD from 30 years of abuse.

My apologies I'm sorry.

Thank you. Believe me it weighs on me, and has for a very long time. My heart breaks for her, but she has a box full of my letters from effort. I think I should just lie low. If she ever reaches out, I will be there, as I always have been. But I'm damaged, intensely. I need to move on and find some peace.

You are a good person. You will do the right thing.

No offense, but I already did do the right thing, and hurt myself in the process. That's how she got 30 years. That's why I'm here, to heal and be finished. I am not going to take it to my dying day to coddle her.

Making it easy, giving repetitive compassion for abuse is how we develop problems in which lead us here.

The good news is she still has an avenue to reach me if need be, and I walked away with my dignity. Most of all I learned a great deal about myself. There's only so many times a person can be broke apart and put back together again.

I didn't mean that in a literal sense