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Last night it ended. A friend had tried to intervene, but to no avail. My BPD gf called, saying, that's it, we're finished. I've had feelings for the past couple of weeks that my replacement had already been secured. I don't know who, heck, I don't even know if it is a he or she, as my gf had a lesbian relationship at one point in the past. I just know that it is over. She said so, with a true sense of finality, and I am tired of playing the game.

Where do I go from here to get my life back, aND to possibly be able to love once again?

I'm so sorry to hear this hurtinchicago-- I remember being so shocked that it was finally over, and also a crazy mix of emotions-- relief, sadness, anger, even "comfortably numb" as you put it.

Look at this as a blessing in disguise.  An experience that has taught you some valuable, albeit incredibly painful lessons.

For me my most difficult challenge has been acceptance and I am still struggling with it.   What do you feel you have lost in this relationship and need to get back?

I too am still struggling with acceptance as well. I was madly in love with this supposed angel that I met on Thanksgiving night, and who remained such through the beginning of January. Then suddenly, without a bit of warning, a monster appeared, and there was like nothing that I could do to fix.

I feel broken, heart and soul. Initially, I would lash back, in defense, and I am in a 12 week program, through the VA, to help deal with that anger. It's the longing, the waiting for a phone call that will never come, missing her touch, her scent. It's hard. Difficult too, knowing that she has probably already latched onto my replacement, whoever he or she may be. I feel for that person's future with her while at the same time feeling jealous. I'm just a jumbled mix of emotion at this point.

I know what you mean, completely!