BPDFamily.com

Hi, I am at my wit's end. My 34 year old daughter is BP and lives with me and her two small children.She refuses to take medication. She has had 3 suicide attempts in her history. She has been hospitalized x6 for alcohol poisoning.  My life seems over at this point. She is deep in debt, has no job, and two very sweet children aged, 3 yr and 9 months.

I work full-time as a nurse, and dread coming home to the house I own. She flips back and forth from seemingly normal behavior, to screaming, unreasonable fits which are all aimed at me.

I am broke, due to her. I am exhausted (62 years old). I have given up on dating anyone as the minute they come over, they run... .

If I kick her out, her sweet children end up at a shelter. In the meantime, I fear for my health. I "threw" a blood clot a few months ago, after a particularly bad bout with her. I have no risk factors for blood clots, btw.

The 3 year old relies on me almost exclusively for affection , support, and positive influences.

Help, help, help.

Oh my dear!  What you are going through is so hard.  My heart goes out to you.  There are much better qualified people on here to help and advise you than me but I just feel so sorry.  There are also quite a few people in similar positions so - you are not alone - if that helps!  Take care.  

Hi there,

You are not alone. Many here know exactly what you are going through. Has your daughter been diagnosed? Are you getting therapy? Read everything you can on here. The more you learn the better. I have a 34 year old Undiagnosed BPD daughter. I know. Others will chime in.

This is a very difficult situation to be in DenverGirl.   

Maybe it would help to start setting some boundaries around verbal abuse. 

Setting boundaries can be the beginning of getting back some sense of power in our own lives... .

What do you think?

lbj

Hello Newbie Denvergirl!

Hard, hard time for you.  So, so sorry!  So many things you wrote resonated with me... .bin-der-don-dat!  The hardest part is having those precious grandchildren you are so wanting the best for... .but hands tied because they are not yours... .they are hers and she is in control.

Our daughter would use our 2 granddaughters as her trump card.  We sucked up so much because we were afraid to be denied access.  We were always there to pick up pieces (3 marriages, 2 different fathers to her children, custody battles and costs)... .did all we could to make things as normal as we could for those 2 treasures... .who are now 24/26.  Sadly, they have grown up to have "problems"... .but we are confident in knowing we did the best we could do.  As a counselor told us, "you have to remember that they grew up under an umbrella of mental illness."  We are confident in knowing that we have given them wonderful memories of all we did with them... .flashbacks on normality... .hopefully they will be able to draw on those memories and get their lives on track.  Whatever!

So... .what do YOU do?  Well... .as tired and worn out as you are... .you start reading up on BPD (so much is offered on this site) and you work on making changes in yourself... .drawing lines in the sand... .where you can.  Yes, there are still those little grandchildren you worry about... .but baby steps in making your changes.  

This website is where you will get some solace in knowing that you are not alone... .that others walk down similar paths... .get some strength and maybe some ideas on how to make changes.  

This is a (--) hug... .to you... .from me.     ; )

       Thank you all so much for the helpful and sincere comments.

Years ago, my daughter was, I think, given an incorrect diagnosis with Bipolar, and meds were not working and in fact seemingly made her worse. She has been living with me since her first child was born over 3 years ago. She since has had another child, who is 9 months. These kids each have different fathers. Father # 2 is legitimately mentally ill, and apparently institutionalized. Father # 1 is a good man, and participates in his sons life consistently. Son # 1 is a cheerful, good natured little guy, very resilient.

I am seeking counseling, which is difficult due to my work hours.My daughter refuses to believe there is any problem and will never go to counseling, she states.  The triage with the counselor STRONGLY INDICATED  that my daughter is Borderline Personality rather than Bi-polar, which I always believed.

I was recommended to this site, by the counselor. My homework is to absorb all that I can and learn from you veterans. I cannot thank you enough for your wise and wonderful suggestions. I have lots of questions, so I will be hanging around and learning.

Hello Denvergirl 

So pleased you found us. I'm sorry to hear your daughter has run you ragged and a misdiagnosis may have set you and your daughter back. My daughter27 and I have been on a very long diagnosis journey and individual treatments   - latest is BPD - it's immensely helpful, we are moving forward. Our children are unique individuals, that's my view. Hoping DBT teases out and addresses wider issues for my daughter.

I look forward to you speaking out on the boards and supporting you as best I can.

Tell us how it is  |iiii

WDx

A good place to start would be to determine what boundaries are exactly and what your value based boundaries are personally.  

Here is some info to help you get started:


https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries

We can help you with any questions you have about setting boundaries... .the hows, whys, and whens.

lbj