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Title: "Leave me alone" Post by: Shockandawe on March 17, 2016, 02:32:37 PM 16 daughter's most common response to any and every request, reminder, inquiry no matter how kind, validating and basic is "leave me alone!" This statement is a dead end for ANY AND ALL communication. How do you parents work around this kind of avoidance?
Title: Re: "Leave me alone" Post by: Lollypop on March 17, 2016, 05:55:41 PM Hi shawkandawe
I used to get this all the time from my Bpds. i would ask him direct questions and he'd reply I just don't know, I can't say, I don't want to talk about it, I will never tell you, I can't think. We started to understand that he couldn't digest more than one thing at a time - this took us years to work out! He didn't trust us and his emotions weren't safe with us. I hope that makes sense. We've only recently changed our approach and reaction to him. He moved back home mid-Dec but we are starting to see progress. We are working hard reading posts, reading the site when I can and practising. It's hard to get the time with him to do this though as he's out a lot of the time. I put up the content of a few conversations I had with him to ask for feedback and found this really helpful. My Bpds is 25 and so may be more receptive than a teenager. We've created non-intrusive interaction with him and he's started to share his feelings and life with us. I hope this helps you in some small way. It's horrible to be shut out. My Bpds wouldn't want to do it but couldn't help himself, i now see that it was his way of protecting himself. We made him feel worse. L Title: Re: "Leave me alone" Post by: lbjnltx on March 17, 2016, 06:24:46 PM Hi shawkandawe,
Have you tried asking her "when can we talk?" "when can you put away your clean laundry?" "when can you answer my question?" If the answer is/was "never" then making a statement and walking away may be the next move. Defiant teens can argue us in circles if we stay present for it. lbj Title: Re: "Leave me alone" Post by: unicorn2014 on March 17, 2016, 06:39:37 PM Hi shawkandawe, Have you tried asking her "when can we talk?" "when can you put away your clean laundry?" "when can you answer my question?" If the answer is/was "never" then making a statement and walking away may be the next move. Defiant teens can argue us in circles if we stay present for it. lbj Ty lbj, I'm having this clean laundry problem right now, I will try your approach. Title: Re: "Leave me alone" Post by: unicorn2014 on March 17, 2016, 06:41:38 PM Hi shock and awe, thank you for your post. My child has not yet received a diagnosis of BPD, currently her only diagnosis is depression after she overdosed on alcohol, but some of her behavior is BPD which is why I'm on this board.
I get that too when she's upset and like the other posters have said I have learned to back away. I just got my d15 signed up for therapy this week. Is your child in any kind of therapy? It took years for her to be willing to see a therapist, I hope it helps. |