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My son was being cared for by my exs brother and sister in law, they decide they had enough and stopped caring for him and sent him back to his mother who is bps. I'm so upset about all this I want to just walk away from my son. His mother is not stable enough to care for him.

I'm angry and venting

You indicated previously that she just dumps him. Was the arrangement on her side ore babysitting, or was he living there? If the latter, can you document it at all to go back to court and adjust the order to give you primary care?

Hi turkish,

I'm sure her family would cooperate, they do not trust her as well. I don't know where to begin.

Document everything. Back date as necessary (you didn't hear that here 

I wouldn't put 100% trust in her family, but if you have a good r/s with them, obtain whatever support you can, couched in what are the best interests of your child.

*mod*

Moving this thread to Legal and Family so JerryRG can get as much focused support and advice as he can with these issues.

Thanks guys.

Right now your frustration with your dilemma is overwhelming.  We understand.  The chaos, unpredictability and inconsistency of a person with BPD or some other acting-out disorder is so discouraging to say the least.  However ponder this point.  The problem is not your son, it his mother.  So expressing that you feel like walking away from your son, I'm sure, is not really what you meant.  You'd like to walk away from his mother and the situation she's caused and enabled.  Right?

See?  It's all in your perspective. :thought:  Your son, I'm sure, is wonderful, he didn't cause or ask for this situation.  As a little child, he's essentially powerless to change his circumstances.  That's where you come in as His Dad.  And that's where we come in as Peer Support.  We've been there, done that.  With our collective wisdom you can find understanding, resources, topics on improving your skills, ideas, suggestions and strategies that work.

Your son will do best with you as His Dad and a significant part of his life. |iiii

All of us here have faced difficult persons in our lives.  We either overcame the problems or found ways to deal with and improve our circumstances.

I have a couple questions.  Previously you said you have been caring for him while his mother was in drug abuse treatment.  Why was he with relatives?  And why did they sand him to her and not you?


This is where we can help.  As the more stable parent you need to have more responsibility in caring for your child.  She probably won't let you have more than mere crumbs, you will probably need the court to order/assign you substantial parental responsibility.  You probably need to become the Primary Parent with, if not sole legal custody, then at least Decision Making or Tie Breaker status.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, JerryRG. I looked back through your posting history, and it sounds like you've been through so much. PTSD and an ex who may be a meth addict? She does not sound in any way competent to care for a child. Many of us here also know what it's like to lack the funds to hire a lawyer.

I'm wondering, though, if you would be able to find a good pro bono lawyer based on how low-functioning your ex is? You may feel that you aren't in a situation to care for him full-time, and that's something we all struggle with. Being a full-time parent is no walk in the park. It's also very rewarding.

We are here to listen and walk with you as you go through this. There is also a lot of collective wisdom here about how to navigate the legal system, and if you would like us to support you that way, we can.

You're not alone in this, friend. We understand what it is like to coparent with someone who has BPD.

Be kind to yourself



LnL

Thanks everyone, I'm just going to stay away for a while and work on my recovery. People tell me she's going to use our son to push my buttons and play my emotions for as long as she can. I need to regroup and get well before going back to contacting her family. I refuse to talk to her, she's twisted with hate. I've had enough exposer to her. I can only pray for our son.