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Title: Divorce vs separation? Post by: 3free on March 23, 2016, 09:43:48 PM Hi, quick question since my friend needs an answer in the next few hrs.
Her uBPDh filed for divorce, she has to respond by morning. She has the option to say she wants divorce or separation. He had been sending her manipulative texts (tons of them) saying he wanted to call off the divorce, but we all know it's just a BPD thing, part of the cycle, and it would come back around again. She doesn't really want to be divorced either... .but knows she can't be with him. We have been told that in her state (Idaho) the 2 options are almost the same. Are there any reasons to choose one over the other? Thanks for your quick help! Title: Re: Divorce vs separation? Post by: 3free on March 23, 2016, 09:50:39 PM Also, what if she wants to move to another state at some point? Would that impact the choice?
Title: Re: Divorce vs separation? Post by: ugghh on March 24, 2016, 05:41:46 PM What would be the advantage of a separation vs a divorce?
Typically, minimizing opportunities for future contact leads to better control of your own life. Title: Re: Divorce vs separation? Post by: 3free on March 26, 2016, 01:04:40 AM Thank you! Great point!
Title: Re: Divorce vs separation? Post by: tryingsome on March 26, 2016, 11:59:26 PM Why does she have to respond by tomorrow? I have never seen a petitioner response that needs to be done by the next day.
It should be at least 30 days for a response. Does this person have a lawyer? Separation usually has tax implications. They can't marry some else. This might be a control issue so your friend can't marry someone else. Whatever is agreed to during the legal separation (custody/alimony/child support) will usually become sticky. Meaning if they later changed to want a divorce (to get married to someone else) the current agreement would likely stay in place. Treat the legal separation the same as divorce when it comes to division of family and finances. Title: Re: Divorce vs separation? Post by: ForeverDad on March 28, 2016, 12:45:53 PM In my state, my lawyer warned that if I did a Legal Separation and had a favorable evaluation, then later doing a Divorce would reopen/reset the custody issues and the second time around the ex would be more likely to know what poor behaviors to hide better.
I've been here since 2006 and I can't remember anyone here doing Legal Separation though surely there must have been a small handful who did. Only you can decide what is best in your case but I recall my lawyer asking me when we discussed it, "Why would you want to pay twice?" Of course I had a minor child and the custody issue would have been scrutinized twice, once in LS and again in D. I didn't have the money to do that so, knowing (1) my ex wasn't wanting to reconcile and (2) reconciling would put me right back in the fire, I went with divorce. It was rough but at least it was final and let any pretense of a relationship end. Do you have any minor children which would complicate the case? Some states allow you to start with LS and then switch later to D, but you'd need to have consultations with a few family law attorneys to hear their legal advice and recommended strategies. Frankly, I think LS is not practical in most cases and might even leave you at some disadvantage, not being together but still married. Do you have religious reservations? Or is it just to avoid his overreaction? I think you'd get the same overreaction either way, after all, you've already moved out, so he has to know the marriage is in trouble. What are the laws regarding Separation vs. Divorce in your state? I believe in some states legal Separation will protect you from her debts, but not in other states. And then there's the legal obligation aspects with other entities such as the IRS, health insurance policies, trusts, Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, etc. It is so sad that a decision whether to Separate or Divorce depends upon these financial considerations requiring consultations with accountants or family law lawyers, but often it does. Also, just being separated could give friends the impression the separation may only be temporary, and she may be claiming that as well, so they may unwittingly be more inclined to help her, thinking you two will pay your debts jointly later on. What To Do... . Separation Agreement vs. Divorce? My lawyer had told me that he has almost never done separations. The reason (in my area) not to do a legal separation with an acting-out disordered spouse is that the first time (separation) you go through the custody process, she may misbehave before the court and evaluator and you will be seen as the better parent resulting in favorable parenting time for you. But if you later decide to take that final step and seek divorce, you may have to go through the custody evaluation all over again and the second time around she may know how to hide her behaviors and she might get more custodial responsibility and parenting time. Title: Re: Divorce vs separation? Post by: 3free on March 28, 2016, 08:50:10 PM Excellent points!
She has chosen to go ahead with divorce. |