BPDFamily.com

I know two pwBPD, both women, the one friend who's the reason why I'm on this site (undiagnosed) and her friend (diagnosed). One thing that has bothered me a bit lately is that they both claim to be spiritual, but it somehow seems tacked on, not something that's deeply felt or thought about. In my friend's case, we originally clicked due to similar outlook on some societal issues, but I always had a vague feeling that she didn't really think about the issues she talked about, giving rote anwers instead when questioned, or mirroring my thoughts (and rapidly swinging to my point of view if confronted). Now she's become interested in Buddhism, Tibet, meditation, reincarnation, gurus... .that sort of thing. And I still don't get the vibe that she has invested any deep thought in it - it's not that she seeks attention by claiming "see how spiritual I am" - but more like she's trying to find some easy filler to her feelings of emptiness. Her friend is pretty much the same, though it seems even more shallow in her case - though neither of them seem to use it for getting attention, unlike some frauds I've met.

A snippet I found on the web said: "[... .] these people have psychic experiences, see strange lights or even UFO’s and report mystical experiences [... .] Socially, they may be attracted to revolutionary, anarchistic causes.  The spiritual borderline has a passion for altered states of consciouness.  This they often attain through mind altering drugs, especially of the psychedelic and entheogenic type, which they typically use in moderation as part of a counterculture lifestyle. [... .]"  This describes my friend rather well, and I'm kind of worried that she might actually stop going to therapy, and start relying on whatever hodge podge spiritual practises she can think of herself. Does anybody have any experience on this? Has your pwBPD developed (possibly unusual) spiritual interests and how it turned out?  Have they found any help in it?

Although there are various ways to experience and express spirituality, I think conditions that are other-centered ( people and objects like drugs, shopping, activities) ( PD's, co-dependency, addictions, drugs) are the antithesis of spirituality.

IMHO, a spiritual path involves developing a sense of purpose, self in relationship to others, a sense of connection to a  larger purpose ( some people may choose one or more to consider: God, religion, nature, the cosmos- involving the question why am I here?). It involves looking at one's self.

People with PDs and codependency tend to look at others as a way to take away personal pain and for a sense of self. Spiritual people are concerned with others, and  look inward and to a higher consciousness or their own sense of purpose when dealing with such issues as who am I?

I think we have all run into people who walk the talk and those who seem to just talk.

But spirituality also includes not taking assessment of someone else's spirituality. We can't possibly get a full picture of the heart and minds of another human. We can't know just how spiritual someone else is, PD or not. Their path is their's. It isn't our place to judge someone else's spirituality. IMHO, it's a big enough job to figure ourselves out.  :)

Part of being in a relationship with someone with BPD is to understand what we can do and can't do about their behavior. Their choice of spiritual interest, or whether or not to continue therapy, or choice to use substances is not something we can control. The choices we have are with our own personal boundaries when it comes to their behavior.  I know it is sad to see a friend make choices that we think are not good for them, but for something like therapy, they have to be motivated to do it.

Yes, her life is her own and it's not my place to involve myself with her choices. But it's hard - I've already lost one friend whose mental health issues were only made worse by drugs and the same issues my friend is now involving herself with, to the point where I had to cut him out of my life completely. I really wouldn't  want to do it again, not with her, and it's hard not to get involved when you have seen the outcome of  a friend losing the struggle against themselves once already. I guess I'm just looking for someone to say "in my experience, it doesn't always turn out that way".

One thing I've been thinking is that would there be any point in me saying to her, when she talks to me again, that I've seen a friend going down a similar path that she's now following, and diving off the deep end. It would probably not end well, and I think she would be justified to call me out on that. But keeping silent doesn't sit well with me either.