BPDFamily.com

I am the mother of a young adult daughter who was diagnosed with BPD and also bi polar.  She has been hospitalized close to 20 times and no medical professional can help her. Looking for advice on how I can help her where others have failed.

Hi Debmark

*welcome*

Twenty hospitalizations is a lot.  What was the behavior that landed her in hospital?

Typically hospitalization is short term for crisis intervention.  Where the real help comes from is aftercare.  Has your d been in ongoing therapy?

Do you have contact with your d regularly? 

lbj

Hi Debmark,

Oh my. 20 hospitalizations is a lot for a family to go through. The medical establishment can be good at stabilizing a crisis, and then not so great at helping families after the crisis.

What is your relationship like with your daughter? Do you have other family who are supporting you as you go through this?

We can walk alongside you and share some of the skills and resources found here on the site. Self-care is a must, and not to be taken lightly. Your D needs a mama who is holding steady and then some, to be a centering presence as she learns to manage her symptoms.

LnL

I had a very lengthy talk with my BPD23 daughter last night telling her that she needs to speak with the doctors in the hospital where she is now about finding her a facility that specializes in treating BPD and also to find her a therapist who specializes in BPD and also talk to them about her going to dpt therapy. She was once in dpt but left before the program finished. She has a habit of quitting anything that appears to be difficult, she has since a teen taken the easy street in everything .  The hospital she is in right now has a history of sending patients to a state mental hospital which she has been sent 2x before. Which I might add did nothing to help her so I am trying to steer them in a different direction for her which may be a battle itself because I just don't see the staff as caring about the long term well being of the patients. Which is very frustrating for everyone. So I gave my daughter a list of things that could potentially help her that I want her to talk to her doctor on Monday about and possibly prevent being sent to a place that cannot help her.

You gave your d some good advice Debmark.

Does your d allow you to advocate for her care?  Are you close by the hospital she is in at this time?

All my daughter has done in the past is be defiant and throw "tantrums" . Her outbursts make them think she is not stable. As I said in an earlier post I explained at great lengths the importance of taking charge of her health and to take steps in what she has to do in rider to get the right help so she can go home.  The hospital she is currently in is about 20 minutes away. If they send her to the state hospital it is 1-1/2 hr away.

What I mean by advocating is: does your daughter allow you to speak with her doctors about the decisions regarding her care either alongside her or privately?

Is that something you would like to do or have you stepped out?

My daughter would allow me to speak to staff on her behalf but once I do, my daughter never does what is put in front of her. I have stepped back the last couple of times out of frustration towards her for not doing what she is supposed to do. I stepped back during this hospitalization too until I found this website and started reading all the posts it put a fire under me to help her. So I am reading as much as possible to gain knowledge of this terrible illness so I can better help my daughter.

Thanks, I better understand now.

Navigating through all of this (drs. hospitals, insurance/finances, coverage/lack of coverage, treatment plans/treatment options) is difficult even for the best informed and well balanced person.  It can be frustrating beyond belief for us and for our adult children.

All we can do is give it our best effort and support the positive decisions that our kids may make while not enabling the poor decisions they may make.

With this particular hospital/treatment team do you believe your d can understand and make decisions about what to do for follow up treatment without an advocate?  Sometimes there are professionals in their support network that can help them do that and sometimes it is left to the patient and patients' family.