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It seemed like a good thread, so let's continue it. Yeah Stimpy, they expect to find the same person, but if we've grown, analysed and changed, they can't step back in to the same fairytale. We just can't let them.

She was good for a couple of weeks then started to slide again, it was only the fact she was away for three weeks that bought her another two months... .

I'd just had enough, I could see her manipulation, I could see her being stupid and I lost a lot of respect for her. I gave her the chance to change, but she doesn't have it in her. What she is is what she is.

But I'm glad she came back, it gave me a chance to actually understand that and now I feel like I'm the stronger one of the two of us.

As I said in another thread, in my final message to her I told her she wouldn't get a second date if I met her now. There were soo many red flags, but at the time I was weak and going through a bad spell after losing all my money. I was shocked a pretty girl would even look at me twice the place I was in then.

so do you think your ex intentionally hurt you Frustratedbloke?

Yes, 100% she did. Like I said I excused it, but she was horrendous on occasion.

She punished me every time I wouldn't accept her behaviour, every time I fought back. Then she did it again and she was deliberately cruel. She opened up a dating site in front of me... .

I know this guy stirred up some controversy, but it's an answer from Sam Vaknin too. My ex was absolutely NPD as well, or Anti Social, and I think this video is very interesting.

My exBPD is a socialpath and narcissist. I didn't allow myself to accept it maybe because I was "the boiling frog" or my foo, don't matter now. Every person I ever talked to told me I just couldn't/wouldn't accept it. Looking the devil right in the face and hmm well that is the face of evil.

My pastor said she's deffinalty influenced by evil.

I would like to think my compassion was just to enduring but the truth would be, after growing up in hell from birth, scared half to death every single day and night and a narc mother playing on my fear to control my mind. Yep and plotting to kill my dad to save us all before I learned how to ride a bike. Yep, yep lol

Yep I think they ripped the scabs off childhood wounds for all of us, because I have been in plenty of short ish term relationships that didn't affect me nearly as badly. I sure wouldn't have let most women talk to me like she did either.

On the plus side, I don't think any of us will get fooled by this kind of person again.

Next time I will trust my gut. I didn't, it was telling me she was bad news from the start.

I prefer not to think in terms of "intentional" or "unintentional" my exBPD was more personality disordered than I imagined. I don't think intentions had any thing to do with it.

Did she "love me"? If I say yes... it hurts and if I say no... .it hurts.

What counts is that I got involved with someone and then discovered she was not (NOT) what she presented herself to be at all. She minimized her co-morbidity to me and that's regrettable... .it happened.  I have and am suffering because of the choices I made.

I believe there were no planned intensions to hurt me.

Awful things happened but they were not planned from her side to hurt me.They were self centered, I didn't even exist when she did them.

I believe it is similar as we have a reflex reaction, if I punch you in the knee you will spread your leg. The similar thing is with them.

I believe my exh intended hurt at times.

He said and did cruel things strictly to cause hurt or punish.

There was a lot of self centered and impulsive thinking/acting that never took into account how his thoughts or actions would hurt others. My children and I did not exist in his mind when he was in this mode.

There was also illogical thinking, where I truly believe he could not link his thoughts and actions to the hurt he caused to my children and I.

I am just glad to be done with the r/s and moving on.

I think my exBPD hurt me because she didn't have that filter thing we nons have where her thoughts were spontaneous and she just blurted things out before thinking it would hurt me.

She lost an awful amount of weight toward the end of or r/s (meth?) and one night while visiting me I looked at her legs then my arm and told her my arms are bigger than her legs. She practically started to cry and whined about this quite a few times. She could and would make dirogitory remarks about my physical appearance and I was suppose to just be a man and suck it up.

Some was very intentional and others seemed to surprise even her.

Another thing, she loved walking around naked and rarely wanted sex, sex was "painful" and seemed she was never comfortable. Definitely has issues with intimacy.

Intimacy issues? You may have worse, but try being sent into the other room while she 'goes for a nap'. I literally had to creep into bed with her like a dodgy uncle and she went through the game of 'resisting'. It was so weird that there was a while I couldn't make it work at all, it just creeped me out and was actually a turn off for me.

Oh gosh frustrated I'm sorry, yes my ex "resisted" as well, kept raising the bar. It went from I have a headache to none until we're married. Control control control, this behaviour destroyed her first marrage, again big red flag. She told me she got married to him just to experience being married. Always pointing out his faults and how gross he was. Hmm didn't see that one coming lol. Poor guys that cross her path.

Oh! When we first started hanging out she told me she wanted to visit a friend in CO, later on in that convo she said he raped her!

Yeah... .no I didn't just hear you say this... .no

Lol we need to write a book

I could keep you guys busy for hours thinking all this crazy stuff as I'm sure you could as well.

Why fear someone like this? What triggers that fear and why was I with her? This is about me, not her.

I was with mine because I was flat broke, felt terrible and had been given a proper beating by life business wise. She was nice to me, and I really appreciated that. In fact I thought it was weird someone would want me back then, I remember even asking her why.

And she physically resisted, curled up in a ball and did the 'no no no no' thing, when she meant yes. It was a mess in retrospect! :)

She couldn't look me in the eye for the first three dates AND bought her sisters. There were red flags everywhere, she's deeply insecure, but I thought it was all me and my situation. If I could just be the man she deserved, life would be sweet.

This time I was that guy, and she didn't get 0.5% better. In fact she was worse, so although she had kinda friendzoned me without telling me, I actually dumped her.

It actually helps in its own way that I did.

Same here with my ex, I tried to be better in everything I did which lead me into areas I would have never gone before. Guess who benifited from that? She's still the same or as I heard last week she getting worse.

I'm getting well and she's worse? Kinda tells me it wasn't me causing her problems. I'm glad you are better frustrated, after these encounters things could be much much worse.