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Title: Had a moment of weakness Post by: burton2070 on March 27, 2016, 09:39:18 PM I finally ended the relationship two weeks ago. She has randomly contacted me since with "I miss you, I love you, I'm thinking about you" texts. Today, I had a moment of weakness and responded that Easter was hard on me and that I missed her and her kids (I have a son, but he is with his mom this weekend so I miss him too). Told her I was extra lonely this Easter weekend.
This person had ZERO boundaries the whole time we were together, but suddenly today she found a boundary. She told me I was emotionally bullying her with these texts (there were two total) and that she isn't responsible for my happiness. I am. Which is true and actually a really strong boundary to have and healthy. But I am really annoyed that today is apparently the day she found her strong boundaries. And I'm mad at myself for reaching out. What was her end game with the initial texts if she was going to be so rejecting and firm when I responded? I'm confused and sad and feel pathetic for feeling that way. Title: Re: Had a moment of weakness Post by: tryingsome on March 27, 2016, 09:55:51 PM I am sorry for you. Breakups are hard.
Breakups are also hard for the pwBPD. While I haven't read these texts I think you response might have made her angry or dsyreglulate or shameful or whatever the term the symptom fits may be. The line you told her extra lonely probably felt like blame to the pwBPD hence they probably lashed out. Going NC is hard and it's okay to regress sometimes. Also when you do, try not to put your feelings out there too much. A pwBPD won't be able to handle this and he response as you witnessed will not be good. If you need to converse (which is okay in my book), just say happy things. Say the things they would want to hear and you probably get better responses. And it is okay to break NC. NC is a tool to help heal and detach. good luck! Title: Re: Had a moment of weakness Post by: C.Stein on March 29, 2016, 09:30:57 AM What was her end game with the initial texts if she was going to be so rejecting and firm when I responded? I'm confused and sad and feel pathetic for feeling that way. I will speculate here and say she is trying to take control back given you ended the relationship. No one likes to be rejected and for a borderline it is particularly hard. You are not responsible for her feelings but you are responsible for yours. I think you have realized that NC is probably the best thing for you right now. Would you agree? |