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Title: What to do when accused for not caring when they threat suicide? Post by: apepper21 on March 29, 2016, 06:36:12 PM My ex pwBPD (who I work with) implied threat of suicide. We were on the phone (story for another time) and I said I had to go, he said no, please don't, between angry and sad(?) sounded more angry. I said I have to go, I'll see you tmr. He said no you won't, maybe. He's said that in the past to imply suicide. It's a threat. I know it is. I could also take it as "no you won't as punishment" but I don't know.
What I don't know how to deal with is if/when he says I don't care b/c I didn't call back to make sure he's ok. I KNOW it's a manipulation move. I also know he would be seeing his kids after talking with me so I know he'd be ok. Plus he didn't actually threaten it. That's all beside the point. The point is that I believe he is ok, I don't know how to respond to if/when he accuses me for not caring b/c I didn't call back... .Does anyone ever have to deal with this? Title: Re: What to do when accused for not caring when they threat suicide? Post by: C.Stein on March 30, 2016, 09:44:08 AM First and foremost he is not your responsibility and quite honestly you should not be concerned with what he thinks. I know you probably still care for him on some level and it is hard to be subjected to this stuff. I agree with you that the implied threat was almost certainly manipulative (in intent) even if he is not consciously aware it was. I know it is hard to not respond to these tactics and it is a good progress on your part that you see it for what it is and did not respond. You set a boundary and a good one IMO.
Title: Re: What to do when accused for not caring when they threat suicide? Post by: apepper21 on March 30, 2016, 11:41:04 AM Thank you, now i need to stick to it! So hard to do now that I am seeing him again at work... .I've decided (still a bit fuzzy in my mind, but trying to make it more REAL in my head) to go non-work NC. I need to not talk to him about anything unrelated to work, and even then I'm planning on keeping that minimal. It's very hard to stick to this!
Much easier and not even very hard when i'm not around him... . Title: Re: What to do when accused for not caring when they threat suicide? Post by: C.Stein on March 31, 2016, 07:44:24 AM I've decided (still a bit fuzzy in my mind, but trying to make it more REAL in my head) to go non-work NC. I thought you had already committed to non-work NC? Title: Re: What to do when accused for not caring when they threat suicide? Post by: apepper21 on March 31, 2016, 11:55:41 AM I've decided (still a bit fuzzy in my mind, but trying to make it more REAL in my head) to go non-work NC. I thought you had already committed to non-work NC? Well, he said that a while back and that didn't last long. I got off track very quickly. I don't think I had really come to terms with what it is and didn't keep my boundary. I kept it today, b/c he really tried to break it down. We will see if he tries again. Today is the first time I said we have to not talk to each other unless required for work. Big step, and I don't know what to expect, but I'm trying to focus on myself and the reasons why NC is a good decision and that it's what I want... . Title: Re: What to do when accused for not caring when they threat suicide? Post by: C.Stein on March 31, 2016, 01:04:10 PM I'm trying to focus on myself and the reasons why NC is a good decision and that it's what I want... . Good, Good, GOOD! |iiii Title: Re: What to do when accused for not caring when they threat suicide? Post by: Herodias on March 31, 2016, 07:31:01 PM A therapist once told me to tell him that I am not able to help him, but will call someone who can. This usually stopped him from doing it out of attention seeking. When it was real... .I called the police. If you take on the role of the savior, they will continue to use it to control you. If you explain you are not someone capable of helping them... .they will stop using it as a manipulation if they don't really mean it and don't want to deal with the police. Best wishes... .
Title: Re: What to do when accused for not caring when they threat suicide? Post by: JerryRG on April 01, 2016, 12:16:09 AM My ex overdose twice inside my apartment and threatened so many times I've lost count. All just attention seeking. I would and did take her serious but it was all just manipulation and games and pushing my buttons. Looking back I should have signed her away and walked the other way.
She never got any help, never improved herself. Life to her is made up chaos and drama then depression, all laced in pity and rescue. Title: Re: What to do when accused for not caring when they threat suicide? Post by: apepper21 on April 01, 2016, 08:15:47 AM I'm trying to focus on myself and the reasons why NC is a good decision and that it's what I want... . Good, Good, GOOD! |iiii Thank you! |