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It doesn't seem right to me that Mine is off having a family and I am all alone. He is the problem, he is the one who was the abusing, alcoholic, who cheated over and over with many people... .yet he is "happy in his new r/s" and I am alone and don't trust anyone. He made a comment to me awhile back that I could be in a r/s if I wanted to, but I am choosing not to. Why does he think it is so easy? I have only had one person approach me in the past 14 months and he wouldn't even think of being with me while I am still married. So what is wrong with me then?  I don't trust people... .I wouldn't even think of online dating... .knowing that's where these people tend to be (my stbx included). I think it gets harder when you are older and I don't work in an environment to meet many new people. I am having a really bad day.  :'( Just wondering if I am ever going to feel normal again. I play tough, but inside I am a mess... I am so unhappy right now.

I think today is universally a bad day for everyone. I'm in the same boat as you. Today just feels like crap. I think you should go out and do things that you like and in time you will attract the people you want to be with. I'm sort of fresh into my detachment, but I'm trying my hardest to get over it. New experiences and new friends help with the process. 

I think this week has been universal... .I have found myself having thoughts and wanting to contact.  I'm not going to, but the thought is still there.  I was just last week saying how I felt so indifferent towards my exBPD... .now this. 

Sympathy Blue. Me too. As they say, it's not linear. Keep on keeping on, you'll get there, eventually. 

I agree, keep walking forward, feelings are important but eventually they do change. Trust in this, feelings change and the more we resist them the more we tire.

My analogy is fighting feelings is like pushing a car, a car is meant to be ridden in not pushed. Relax and stop resisting and let the car (feelings take you). Of coarse we don't let go of the wheel, we just relax and let things happen?

Seems the more I resist anything the quicker I get wore out.

We got away from these whack a doodles and I remember the stress and hopelessness of being with my ex. I couldn't wait to get away from her just to breath and relax. I put myself with her and now I need to replace her with something good.

Look in a mirror and start by loving who you see, they sure as hell won't or can't love us, they are damaged and broken and hurting.

I love myself, I just have to choose to do it.

If I love myself I will never allow anyone else treat me less than dog meat.

My councelor told me most healthy guys would spend about 25 minutes with my ex and look for the exit.

Duh! Becky! Lol she's nothing more than an angry child in an adult body, unhappy, miserable, lying, cheating, nasty, sarcastic, disrespectful, vulgar, sick, negitive, self pity, victim, blamer, user, and these are on her good days.

I'm out of that and if I'm fool enough to go back someone better shoot me because that's the only way I go out with a smile on my face.

The reason I dumped her was I got well enough to have one ounce of self respect.

The reason she's with another guy is she's too damn coward to be alone and too damn lazy to do the work she needs to improve herself.

If she did I might be able to tolerate being around her, with friends like her who needs ememies.

I hear the train,

coming closer to the end of the track,

it's her, and she's going to crash!

I sure as hell ain't going back!

Watched you crash and burn

I'm going to live a good life,

Now it's my turn!

Good bye chaos, drama,

Goodbye

Mamma!

Lol I'm goofy but hey, it keeps me smiling

I think we've all payed our dues?

  to all of you. Herodias: do what you love and you will draw the right people to you. Like me, I write, and my writing has drawn people to me. Unfortunately, one of them was my ex. But it is true that from the moment I started putting my writing out in the world (which was kind of late--I'm a late bloomer), I started meeting new friends, including men, some of whom were good dating options. I was fresh out of a long, extremely dysfunctional relationship and feeling like youth was over and I'd never find people I could trust. It wasn't true.

He is not. What you see is the edited version posted on FB or being displayed for the outside world. If you could be a fly on a wall in his house you would see the arguments, him secretively lining up new replacements, and whatever behaviour he showed when he was with you. He isn't happy. He hasn't changed. He is still someone with a PD. You're just not there to witness the moodswings, the abuse etc.


That says something about how serious he is about relationships in my book. Relationship over? Just dive into the next one. BPD logic.


Nothing. You're hurting, grieving and still kicking the BPD habit. I don't want to date either. Not as long as I cannot trust myself to make better choices.


   Yes, you will feel normal again. Just not right now. But it will happen.

Thank you guys... .I realize the year anniversary is coming up as to when we sold our house, when we legally separated and when he started dating her... .I think it is triggering me. You are right... .I just know he is doing the same stuff to her. One of the last conversations with him, he accidentally called me her name, but it was in a moment of defending himself- it told me that they are having disagreements. He also told me she does not like his drinking... .I think she is mentally off as well from what I have been told about her from people that know her. That would leave me thinking that it will last longer than it should I suppose. I know I missed the bullet having a child with him- I know things would have been allot worse. Mentally I know I am better off out of this. It;s just upsetting me still _ I really thought I was in live with him and him me. I think he hates me now and it's not my fault.

I totally get it Blue!  April marks the month my ex most likely replaced me.  It has definitely had an impact on me.