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How many times can she assault me without either suffering consequences or me hitting back?

How did this happen?

You ran into her somewhere, or... .?

What the... .? What happened?

Don't hit back what ever you do... .it will only put you in jail or cause her to be more violent. Sounds like you need a restraining order... .

^Yes. My ex had a restraining order against her ex-husband for hitting her. Who knows? She might have instigated it.

You don't want that on your record, man. You also don't want the distortion campaign that goes with it. Once you're labeled a woman batterer, or even accused of it, you're life will be miserable.

My ex punched me, beat me, threw things in my face and grabbed my wheel trying to drive me off the road. She was "hormonal"  But yeah why is it I can stop myself from hitting her yet text her later and call her names? Domestic abuse   watched it for 18 years growing up with my parents and swore "not me".

I was terrified she would have me arrested and all she needed to do was hit herself with something, cops show up and I'm in cuffs.

We need to pick our friends carefully.

Be careful people

^Dude... .

She IS suffering the consequences.

Maybe not direct consequences of her actions but she has to live with the indirect consequences of BPD: the never ending emptiness and chaos for the rest of her life. The relationship cycle that will keep repeating over and over.

In my mind I replay all the fights we had, how she would never leave me along and always physically push me into a corner till I had no choice but to push back. This would always end in her getting hurt and crying like she was the victim. Luckily the cops were never involved but it could have ended badly.

I get comfort in knowing that the same thing happened with my replacement. While they were together we still had contact and she would tell me what happened. He was a much softer, more submissive person, yet the same cycle repeated.

She literally would douse the fire with fuel till she could be the victim.

How is she able to assault you even after you've broken up with her?

Violence is criminal. Just because someone does it all the time and gets away with it doesn't make it acceptable. Don't ever hit a woman, or hit her back. Ideally, avoid the fight or the person entirely.

i went to my old aa homegroup but my motives were hoping to see her and gauge her. I said nothing to her but she called me a stalker so i lost my cool & said grow the ___ up & get on with your life as im trying to. with that she punched me in the face. i was going to dump my iced coffee over her head but id likely end up arrested. i tried to reason with her but... .

it was a wakeup call & i fonally realize its over & to completely avoid her. its been 5 months, court stuff initiated by me is all over (no consequences for her)

Wow, did anybody see her punch you?

I thought we were talking about arguments turning violent but this really is assault. If this was at the AA meeting you need to talk to those people and have her kicked out, it's your right to be there too.

Yep. Anyone else see her? Cussing someone out isn't an invitation for them to punch you.

I'm sorry to hear about the barbarism you received in response. I get what you mean by "wakeup call". This was an important part of my experience. If you can find a quiet peaceful place to spend a moment alone from everyone. It can help.

The hitting back part, as a heterosexual male, is never.  Seriously.  If you do, you instantly become A Man Who Hits Women (tm), with your reputation damaged seriously.

The consequences are a bit different.  With ubiquitous smartphones with cameras, you can take photos immediately of what happened.  Seek medical care, preferably an ER.  Then go to the police with the photos and medical record.  You can use that to file a restraining order.  If she comes back, she can be arrested.

Wow a somewhat PC joke about abuse at the expense of men? I thought this was funny. Thanks. Anyway virtus I deleted my comment about managing yourself as I didn't want to create an issue that isn't actually an issue, if you want to chat about that just PM me.


As one of the nons who has done this, may I remind everyone else to hide your devices and change your passwords. Yes, the pw will make efforts to sneak around and destroy evidence of the abuse. Factual. Sometimes they don't even sneak. They take the device in front of your face and smash it. Don't assume they won't smash it because it's expensive. If you get careless your escape plan will literally end up in pieces.

This sounds serious, vitus. Do you have a safety plan?

Safety First (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf)

Who else in your life knows what's going on?