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SO, last night, after pretty much floating in the nightmare of grief, horror and desperation, and dreading the next year of depression and soul sickness caused by my ex's weakness, something happened... .Maybe the best possible thing?

It began with a kind of disgust. Something about her started to make me just a little nauseous. Before I knew it, it started to grow into something bigger... .

If you haven't read my other thread, my online gf of 5 months got me to force an ultimatum, which she didn't respond to, and went out that weekend and engaged in activity that she knew I considered the biggest betrayal possible, compounding the abomination by lowering her standards and acting like the guy who happened to be standing there when she decided to degrade herself had some 'connection' with her.

At some point after that, I stopped feeling the hurt that was the main object of her pathetic acts, and I just started to feel a complete lack of respect. I took a look at what she had done after pulling her garbage... .It wasn't enough for her to do it. She had to post on social media about it. She had to make a big show of how proud she was and how great a time she'd had and how she'd met a new 'friend'... .She knew I'd see it. She'd done similar things before to get a reaction from me. But last night, I didn't get the hurt I had in the past. Last night, I just saw a stupid, immature loser desperate for attention. Any attention. Anyone looking would see it for what it is, but of course, like everything else in her life, she'd stand there and lie to your face about it. No, she's proud. How dare you to suggest otherwise.

Then I started to think about every other thing she'd pulled. All the times she would brazenly disrespect some kind gesture I'd done for her for literally no reason. How she insulted me for asking of she'd read a poem I wrote for her because she was in a bad mood. Why was she in a bad mood? Because she was going to have to send her dog back to live with her mother for some set of bizarre circumstances. Who fixed the problem by giving her money to kennel him? You guessed it. I did receive a very curt 'thanks'. She never did read my poem. I eventually deleted it.

Or the time I cancelled plans so I could be available to help her with her taxes, and sat at home waiting all day... .and all night... before getting a call right before she was going to bed telling me she had a breakdown and was going to bed. When I asked her what was wrong, she screamed at me that she wasn't going to talk about it, and she was only telling me about it as a courtesy. I was selfish for wanting to help her, and I was lucky that she gave me the courtesy of a notification at all after I spent my whole day waiting to help her.

Or the double standards... .I'm supposed to reply to her texts asap. She made a big deal about it around the holidays, telling me she missed me and got worried when I took too long to reply. Then the very next day vanished for 13 hours while she took part in the very same act she would later use to 'teach me a lesson' and where she met mr convenient. This is why I have trouble sympathizing. She knows the way you're supposed to behave. She would insist I behave that way. The rules just don't apply to her. Later, having a conversation about this very topic, she would agree with my statement that it was better to admit to having done something I wouldn't approve of than lie about it.

She was lying about the very thing she was using as an example.

The more I thought about it, the more any positive feeling I had about her went away.  Finally, by the end of the night, I felt nothing but contempt.  The desire I had to smooth things over is gone. I have absolutely no respect or regard for hr whatsoever. I have no sympathy or care left. I have a 7 year old daughter, and as an infant she showed less selfishness than this person.  The only reason I have any interest in ever hearing from her in any way is so I can find a way to express exactly how much contempt I have for her.

You can tell that I am full of a lot of anger. But frankly, anger is much better than the pain and heartache this beast would impose on me. So excuse me if I am less than sympathetic when I think about how much distress shoving her own actions in her face will cause. I am past the point of excusing her selfishness and cruelty with her disorder. Her bad decisions have cost her a lot over the years. She's never accepted her responsibility for her mistakes. I'll take pleasure in shoving her face in it and ruining her day. She has it coming. I'm not eating it anymore.

I can relate to the disgust.

What drives you to help her with her taxes, for example?