BPDFamily.com

My husband has never been diagnosed with BPD but he has every characteristic. He believes he has it. He works hard on himself most of the time, but it's an eggshell walking rollercoaster.

He wasn't like this so much before we got married, but I saw rage at times. He's a disabled vet with a history of ptsd/tbi. He comes from an abusive family. I'm the most overly sensitive person in the world; no matter what I do I can't develop a thick skin. It's like he knows where to attack- right in my insecurity.

I'm here to learn and reduce my own codependency.

Sorry, I just thought of what I really want to know. How do you deal with not being able to ask for what you need emotionally? I know he can't read my mind so that's why I ask, but then I just "needy"

After several days of him not wanting to talk (except maybe briefly to my kids) or be touched (except for the dogs) it gets hard for me.

Do you have family or close friends? Sometimes in these relationships we cut off a lot of outside interactions, and that stifles normal outlets and increases our emotional reliance on our partners who are unable to supply.

It is good to tell him your needs, but not good to put him under pressure to supply, that just causes him stress and to withdraw further. Dont say "I need you to do X" rather say how do you feel about doing X, does it make you uncomfortable?" That way you are asking his view and validating that he has one, yet at the same time giving a heads up to what you would like.

Once you take the pressure off he may start volunteering as to why he struggles with these things. You may be able allay these things or may not, but this you best chance to get to the real issue.

Keep in mind your needs are your issue, you can't "demand' anyone else to meet them.

Think of him as a square wheel and not keep putting pressure on him and expect one day to start rolling.

BPD by the way often takes a while to fully reveal itself to those around them.

Thank you, waverider. I know I have to continue to work on me... .it's just hard.

Hello and welcome!

I'd like to add one other thing... .some emotional needs are beyond a person with BPD's capacity to meet. And some of them can be met by other friends or family members.

Sometimes just knowing that anonymous people here in this community can understand what you are going through takes care of some of them.

Can you be more specific what you are needing right now?

My husband is in a dissasociative phase. He withdraws for a few days, and talking to me means ranting, if he responds to a comment or question. After a few days it wears on me.

Not much you can do while they are in that state. The better you get on the less he may escape into that state. But best thing is to distract yourself with your own stuff