BPDFamily.com

Hi All

We're all on a path of awakening and beginning to audit ourselves and become more self aware. I can see I'm a ridiculous people-pleaser and will be working on that going forward. I reached a pretty good standard of living acting this way and had a false association that it was down to my people pleasing abilities, I'm going to flip 180 and see what exactly happens when I ditch that behaviour, can I still succeed, can I cope with dislike and disapproval from others.

Actually, it was another thread here on PI&SA that led me to this questions, I notice how many nons, especially in the early days of the break up and maybe even still really are interested, check Facebook, look for their ex on Google or wherever and want to know what's going on in their life. I have and have had since I left her, genuinely 0 interest in who she is seeing, what she is doing, how her life is, I'm not curious about her in any way, I'm sure she must have someone else by now, but I have no desire to know who, or care about their relationship, I'm not jealous at all. It's not a tactic, I really just don't care about her life.

This contradicts all the other evidence and reports I see on this forum, peoples struggles with NC, struggles with peeking on FB, reaching out. Of course I feel fortunate, but is this perhaps a sign of something else? I have no interest in anyone's life tbh, no ex, not really that interested in my friends lives or my siblings, I'm not driven to reach out and ask about it. I understand that this is not a normal reaction to have no curiosity, could that be because I am so wrapped up in my own self-image and people-pleasing - could that be narcissism? BPD & NPD tend to pair off. I care that she hurt me, I care that I wasted so much time, I care in the whole break up in relation to me, but to her... .couldn't give a rats a$$. As I'm on a journey of self discovery, Im not sure what this symptom points to.

Anyone else not care what their ex is doing?

It sounds like you are approaching this from the idea of experimentation with a different strategy, I think that's a useful mindset.  I would also consider the possibility that you may find that people do not disapprove of you as much as you think they will. (well, maybe the ones who have been taking advantage of you and like it that way, but others who are more emotionally healthy may actually prefer knowing just where your boundaries are.  There can be a kind of innate trust generated by that.) 


I would imagine this depends on a number of factors, length of relationship, time since it ended (people go through different emotions during NC), what your degree of social media contact was during the relationship.  And who knows, maybe someday you will hear a song or pass a location that brings up some emotional memory and have the sudden urge for contact?  I did, after a year of NC!  (the urge, not the contact)

Could it be that you have accepted that the relationship is over, no chance of reconnecting, and so fantasies of contact or social media checking just don't appeal to you?  There's no point finding out what she's doing because you've moved on?

So you're saying you don't inquire about the details of your friends' and family's lives either?  I don't know, some people are just not into small talk or day-to-day stuff, you ask whether it is "narcissism", possible I guess but I tend to think if anything it may be more of a self-protective preoccupation.  For instance, if I feel shame about my own life, I may be less likely to ask others about theirs. 

Yes.


I'm sure if you read more on both the Building a New Life boards, you'll find many people who seem to not care at all about the pwBPD that was in their lives.

I won't infer toward NPD but here's another way to look at it. If a parasite drops off from its host, its host tends to feel a vacuum. If the host fills a vacuum with itself, physical or abstract, is that narcissistic? Self interest indicates neither excessive self-importance nor arrogance.

A true narcissist would never ask if they were narcissistic.  :)

I don't give a rat's ass about what my ex-husband is doing, but I'd be curious to find out what new trail of destruction he has left in his wake. I sure as hell don't want to contact him or have him know that I'm wondering about what disasters he's created in others' lives lately. Morbid curiosity--that's all.