BPDFamily.com

So my recent xBPDgf just messaged me saying her mum is kicking her out coz her mums boyfriend is moving back in. (After a break up, coz her mum has BPD too among other things) I've just left my xBPDgf coz I couldn't take it anymore. I've got several stress related health issues and she could occasionally be physically abuse to me. So I got out. But I don't want to leave her. I love her to bits but it would literally kill me if I stayed. Anyway, now she says she's being kicked out and I feel really bad. Bad coz maybe if I'd stayed this situation wouldn't have come about. And bad for her coz I know she has no friends or anywhere to go. Unless she goes back to her ex. For ur info, me and her have been together for 18 months. This last guy got beaten up by her before when he was with her but he's always been sniffing round doing exactly what I've done during the times me and her have split up during our relationship. Anyway,, in wanna help her but since I left I'm sleeping on my mum's floor so I can't give her anywhere to stay. But I wanna know if this is a manipulation? She ignored my msgs until I sent her a proper 'goodbye' message.

theres really no way to know if this is intentional manipulation. the fact is you feel bad for her circumstances, and thats okay, but is this situation your place to help?

I suppose not. That's what others have said, " its her problem". But I feel so guilty that this wouldn't have happened if I was there,, or if I hadn't lost my job I could take her out of the situation.

you might think of it this way: sometimes the best way to love someone is from a distance. sometimes a person has to take responsibility, realize the dysfunction in their path, and no longer be able to tolerate their path, before they can find their way. and sometimes we cant help others until we have first helped ourselves.

That's an assumption. You don't know what would have happened if you would have been there. For all you know exactly the same thing would have happened.


But it is not your responsibility to do so.

No. I know her mums boyfriend wouldn't come back if I was there. And while I was in the relationship with my xBPDgf,it was indeed part of my responsibility to help her out of her ___ty situation, coz that would have benefited us both. But now I've left I can't do anything.

it sounds like this was a prominent dynamic in your relationship, do i have that right? it makes sense that youd feel those familiar urges and feel helpless about it.

have you heard of Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist? you can find our review of it here and see if its perhaps of interest to you: https://bpdfamily.com/book-reviews/stop-caretaking-borderline-or-narcissist