BPDFamily.com

I don't know if other people experience this. But I work with my ex pwBPD and when I'm at work and he is too (there are days he isn't here but not often) I come in feeling pretty good and then as the day goes on I start getting an automatic physical anxious reaction. Stomach in major knots, chest tight, breathing shallow, some tunnel vision. I don't now why this happens. Does anyone experience this and have ways to help calm it down? I try deep breathing, and even took 1/2 anti anxiety pill today b/c its wearing me out... .

Had it. Been there. Got a whole closet full of t-shirts...

I have tried lots to calm myself but I didn't manage at all. I had to call in sick at some point. I just couldn't do my job anymore, I was a nervous wreck with my body in 'flight' mode all the fffffing time. I would LOVE tips on how to deal with this.

Because it wasn't just him that caused my anxiety attacks but more so his flying monkeys. And the ex has been forced to leave but the flying monkeys are still there. And soon I'll need to go back to the wonderful land of O.

I work with mine and had a lot of anxiety at first. My head would sweat so much when i saw her. That has since gone away but I still feel pangs of anxiety when i see or hear her but those are getting better, too.

It just takes time. And i've been seeing a great therapist every week and talking things out with him. He said the anxiety is normal. the brain is addicted to these people and it just takes time to rewire the brain so you will no longer see them as a reward. Just reinforce bad memories of them after good memories pop up. Be sure to see their whole picture, not just the good times.

This doesn't go away in a day. but if you start putting it into practice it will get easier every day. Working with our BPD ex's isn't ideal, but facing these feelings and dealing with them will help in our recovery. My therapist strongly believes that and he's been right about so much during this process that all I can do is believe him.

I didn't have anxiety attacks because I saw him and thought of positive memories though, my anxiety attacks didn't start until after he painted me black and got his flying monkeys involved.

So seeing the whole picture, good & bad, didn't help me.

Hi apepper21,

I'm sorry that you're going through this. You have anti-anxiety pills, did you talk to your MD. Do you have a T? Anxiety is normal, it's the bodies way of alerting us of danger but sometimes the danger is not really there. It sounds like it could be fight or flight response www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anxiety.htm

Thanks, but it's not that Im remembering good times when I see him and it's not even just when I see him. It's actually kind of worse when I don't see him but know he's here... .?

I do have a T:)

I will check out that link for sure! Thank you!

That's great that you have a T :) Did your T give you coping strategies for anxiety?

Can you put a finger on what specifically is causing the anxiety?  If you can do that you might be able to mitigate the impact.

I don't know. It's kind of dread, and I think it might also actually be a lot of anger turned into anxiety AND I think not knowing what to expect? When I actually see him, sometimes it's less b/c I see him and know where things stand for the moment. With the anger, included is the unfairness of everything! I do NOT now how to cope with the unfairness of everything about this.

Does any of that sound like it makes sense?

See bold.  This is what I believe is causing your anxiety.  How can you address this?

I'm trying to work on not caring what he thinks or how he reacts. We are in a "no talking" phase right now, that HE instilled. I think what I need to do is if he changes his mind on that AGAIN, is to say, "no, I've decided we will be professional only." and if he keeps trying to talk, walk away. And if he keeps trying, go to his boss and say he can't be around me unless T (his boss) is with him. Like one on one kind of thing. He comes upstairs where I am in the morning sometimes and that's when he will talk to me. But I still feel anxious all day and I don't know what that is.

Is there something specific you are thinking of? Even when we are in NC he doesn't stick to it so I still feel anxious, not knowing what to expect from him, if he will or won't stick to it. And while I know I have control over if I do, him trying still upsets me, you know?