BPDFamily.com

Hello everybody

Indeed, it will be 7 weeks next Monday that I "escaped" from this extremely toxic relationship and I am still so loving my new life and my kinda new me.

I started to see a T this week and I am confident she will be helpful

And I will definitely need this help as my ex is very insistent and pushing. I explain:

The first 3 weeks after I left, we communicated by email only as I blocked his phone number on my cell phone and we spent an hour together at the end of the 3 weeks for a walk and he talked a lot. I realized that after the shock of me leaving the house behind his back, he was hoping us to go back together. As I am a person who is not able to speak out and say wha to want, I didn't tell him that I didn't want the same thing, I only said that I thought that he was loving me more than I was loving him

3 days after this meeting I let him trap me... .I accepted to spend his last day at my place with him. Bad idea. It ended up that he moved out only a week after so we spent a week at my place together.

The positive aspect of that is that I could finish the r/s as I had wished: we talked a lot! I could tell him my thoughts, what I wanted in my life and so on. What I said was not what he wanted to hear but that was the truth

When he finally moved in his place, I significantly reduced the communications.

On Easter weekend I had to call the police because he absolutely wanted us to see each other and to have sex (sometimes he has thoughts in his head that turn obsessive)

He came at my place (stayed in his car in front of the house and then left) around 9:30 pm and I called the police. I emailed him that I called the police but he had already left.

The police officers were so nice and so helpful, they gave me a lot of information

On Easter Monday, I bought a new door lock and I changed it so my ex couldn't enter the house anymore.

I emailed him the next day saying that he couldn't enter the house anymore so we would have to find a date for him to pick up his things that were left at my place.

As I knew that the weekend after he had his son with him, I emailed him the Thursday before to not come at my place with his son during the weekend (use his son to oblige me to let them in) that I had called the police once and that I could call them back even if it wasn't something I wished in front of the kids...

Ok, I continue in my next message

So, he is supposed to come next Sunday with his son to pick up his things

After that, I promised, that will be a full NC !

This week, in 5 days, I received 37 emails (because I emailed him 3-4 times) and about 21 or 22 phone messages ... .

He changed his "discourse" as he said now that he wants us to be friends with benefits and have sex on a regular basis. He is still in denial of the break up, tries to grab by any mean the "life preserver" I represent ... .He is so sick... .

So that's where I am

That is a lot of emails and phone calls... .It's like a siege...

Is there an option for you to put his stuff outside on Sunday just before he arrives? Like on a porch or something (in my mind's eye Americans have porches  :))? That way you don't have to engage with him in any conversation. Or if this isn't possible (I know not all Americans have porches... ) can someone be there? A third party that hangs about you makes it harder for him to press on his friends with benefits pursuit. And it prevents you succumbing. Because you know he's sick but that doesn't necessarily mean you don't find him attractive anymore in any way.

I will try to have a friend at my place that day. However, his son and mine will be there so even I had to succumb (and that is not the case because I am very done with him) that wouldn't be possible

I don't have a porch (I don't live in the us ) but I have a patio in the back where I could put his belongings if needed

That s my last option if he doesn't want to come when I want

That is almost exactly what my BPDw said. 

And how it turned out?

Mine is getting obsessed by spending a night with me... .It is at least the 4th time he does that since we broke up... .it is how he ended up coming at my place and me calling the police... .It is harassment ... .

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And how it turned out? [/quote]
After her 3rd attempt I did - but it was the worse feeling.  It felt like I was doing something wrong.  It was very empty. She came back the night and it was 1.5 hours of asking and me saying no.   In our relationship being intimate was the one place I never felt judged and was mutually enjoyed. 

You get to be the boss here.  :)on't "try" to have friends there... .have a party.  Put his things on the sidewalk - covered in a tarp if you want to be nice.  Claim your truth.  He is obviously a manipulative, sick man.  So many emails and phone calls!  Ug - SCARY!

Yes, but you must understand that if he leaves me so many messages, it is because I block him everywhere (phone, emails etc). This is what he said in one of his telephone message ... .Sigh

But if I dare respond, the number of emails can reach 40-50 a day! Scary you said? Oh yes !

I save every single email and phone message in case I have to go to see the police to ask them help

Why is he so obsessed by having sex with me?

And when I say no, I am the awful controlling one who makes all the decision and doesn't take into consideration what HE would like to do... .

And it is not even worth it to explain him that i am just making decisions that I feel comfortable with. I have absolutely no will to control any one

I mean, he could miss me a lot and be willing to see me and spend time with me. Why sex? Because he is a man? Because of his BPD?

How is it going?  I wonder if talking with a domestic violence counselor could help you claim your safety.  Blocking him is the right thing... .no excuses are acceptable.  If you said no, you said no.