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Title: Engulfment behavior of your ex? Post by: AwakenedOne on April 09, 2016, 03:23:08 PM Looking back now, what were some things that your ex did when they felt engulfed by you?
(uBPDxW 4 year marriage) Some of what my ex did at first seems to be kind of embarrasing to admit but actually it really shouldn't be after knowing that she is disordered. I didn't understand what was wrong with her at the time and never had heard of BPD. I think when she did the #3 below listed thing was the moment that I instantly knew she was crazy, ill or something is horribly wrong and this isn't just a woman with anger/rage and jealousy issues. I knew we were doomed at that point even though I tried to still save the marriage. #1 - She would escape from my presence to go to her mom and other family. Often when she got to her moms house in just a matter of minutes, she would then text me a two line text like nothing was even wrong and would then not communicate till hours or more later on. #2 - She would tune me out or dissociate or something like that which seemed really bizarre. #3 - Toward the final weeks of our marriage just my voice alone seemed to cause her to go into panic, rage and flight. Even though at the time I could be speaking softly, giving her a flower, or something positive etc... . #4 - Attacked me. #5 - Abandoned the marriage. Title: Re: Engulfment behavior of your ex? Post by: sweet tooth on April 09, 2016, 03:29:44 PM Looking back now, what were some things that your ex did when they felt engulfed by you? (uBPDxW 4 year marriage) Some of what my ex did at first seems to be kind of embarrasing to admit but actually it really shouldn't be after knowing that she is disordered. I didn't understand what was wrong with her at the time and never had heard of BPD. I think when she did the #3 below listed thing, that was the moment that I instantly thought she was crazy, ill or something is horribly wrong and this isn't just a woman with anger/rage and jealousy issues. I knew we were doomed at that point even though I tried to still save the marriage. 1. She would escape from my presence to go to her mom and other family. Often when she got to her moms house in just a matter of minutes, she would then text me a two line text like nothing was even wrong and would then not communicate till hours or more later on, which was one of the wierdest things I've ever experienced and very frustrating. 2. She would tune me out or dissociate or something like that which seemed really bizarre. 3. Toward the final weeks of our marriage just my voice alone seemed to cause her to go into panic, rage and flight. Even though at the time I could be speaking softly, giving her a flower, or something positive etc... . 4. Abandoned the marriage. Mine would just disappear. She might go on a date with another guy if she felt engulfed, but nothing would come from it. She would ignore me for a long period of time, up to a month. Then she would either act like nothing happened or tell me that she was depressed. It was always triggered by intimacy: whenever we got closer (or moved towards it), she pushed me away. The last time we were supposed to go away together with some friends of mine for my birthday. We had a fight and she basically told me there was no feelings for me. I contacted her two weeks later and the told me not to contact her again. That was March 1st. I haven't heard from her since, other than for being monitored on LinkedIn. Title: Re: Engulfment behavior of your ex? Post by: peace74 on April 09, 2016, 06:32:02 PM We were/are married so he couldn't do some things that you can do when you are dating or not living together. He tried though.
He would pull away emotionally, be very distant. Act very flat lined/monotone. He would take off every chance he got to visit friends/family. He knows I'm not that social and usually wouldn't go because he liked to stay places the entire day/evening and I didn't. Plus, I had to maintain our home and take care of responsibilities. He was OBSESSIVE about hunting. Our marriage, time together, family time, kids all took a back seat to this even when he wasn't feeling engulfed. He would pick a fight and leave to go drinking for a night and not return until the next day. He left several times and it escalated in duration each time - weekend, week, 2 weeks, month, and then discarded out of the blue with recycles. It's been 2 yrs. since he left the last time with "dating" and moving back once. It will be up to me to end this back and forth craziness. I'm getting stronger and just trying to keep LC. Title: Re: Engulfment behavior of your ex? Post by: Euler2718 on April 09, 2016, 06:45:58 PM She just distanced herself from me in more subtle ways, mostly. Like she would find a new friend and bring her to the church group so I felt a bit third-wheely. Or, she would want to be on other "teams" at mini golf or something.
More disturbing, she would call me up and say we need to break up, and give reasons, but was all giggly and distant, like I had been trying to trick her into something and she got the better of me. The dissociating you referred to I only saw once -- so she must have found a way to stay away from me when in this state. |