BPDFamily.com

Ugh! I've been doing so good lately then today silly  little me decides to Google him. He still has a pic of us set as his Google account pic even though he replaced me. What could this mean? Does he still love and think of us? It's been a little over a month since he left and lord knows i still love him and yearn for him. When i saw the pic my heart just sank. I don't want to contact him but i do think about the day he may contact me quite a bit. Why keep it up if he's moved on?

Remember, healing is not linear. There will be a step back or a sidestep every now and again, and that's okay. You've been doing really well.

All you've done is 1 Google search. It could be a lot worse  :)

It could mean a million things. It could mean he just wants you to think he still loves you. It could mean he wants to recycle you. It could mean he wants the world to think you're still together. It could mean he is feeling sorry for himself. It could mean he has a new girl but he wants her to think she needs to work for his attention. You're not a psychic, you're not going to know. Let it go.

I think many of us struggle with this, because once we move on (I mean really move on), then generally we wouldn't reach out to an ex for emotional support. But a pwBPD does not process relationships, grieve, or think in the way we do. The appearance of having "moved on" doesn't mean that feelings for previous partners don't come flooding back... .and then disappear or transform into the opposite shortly afterward. It's part of the disorder, and is especially likely  when a pwBPD is feeling fearful about engulfment/abandonment with someone new. I know how confusing and painful it is—I've been there, too.  

In my case, pwBPD reached out after our breakup during times of increased intimacy in his current relationship. I reckon the fear and his need for soothing pushed him to look for emotional support from someone who used to provide that for him, just in case all hell broke loose in his current relationship. Even though I wouldn't do that, it makes sense to me, for someone who is feeling such a high degree of fear.

Don't worry about the googling. It happens.   Take the information (the feelings in your gut) from that experience and use it to gauge your stage of detachment. Most of all, be compassionate and gentle with yourself. Healing takes time, and slip-ups are a part of that—it doesn't mean you've lost ground AT ALL.  

heartandwhole

APB0613,

We are struggle with this, you are not alone. Just know there is support here. NC really IS the healthiest stratgey as you struggle to disengage which means:

No emails

No Facebook peeking

No texts

No Googling

It gets easier little by little, day by day. Nothing has changed, with yours, or with mine.

"The calendar changes, they don't"- Unknown