BPDFamily.com

I have struggled in a marriage of 20years with a partner that I now realise has many of the symptoms of BPD, and have now separated.  It has been a terrible process over a couple of years during which, I fully hoped, the relationship was rescueable and on a much better path.  Since finally separating I have learnt much about the dynamics of our relationship.  Still struggling with the separation and how to navigate it with the best outcome.

One benefit of separation is that you can get some distance from the influence and environment that was adversely affecting you.  A disadvantage is that you still are linked to the other person (even if you are not married, then a link could be your shared children or shared assets/debts) and as a consequence their actions and inactions can still be impacting you.

There is a wealth of shared stories here in peer support, what worked for us and what didn't, what the common traps and pitfalls are, what strategies are more likely to succeed, etc.

Can you share some more details so we know where you need help most?

• Do you have children?  While children are wonderful blessings, it can be much more complicated to unwind a marriage with children.



• Are any assets or obligations jointly named?  Homes, deeds, mortgages, vehicle titles, loans, bank accounts, credit accounts, etc.



• Is the discord or 'craziness' low level or high conflict?



• Are you in meaningful counseling?  While you may not be the one disordered, you are impacted and may need help getting rid of the my-issues fleas my-issues of the relationship.



• Are the children, if any, in counseling?  Don't think they're too young.  School counselors can be a great resource but their guidance may be limited.  No one should discourage you from helping the children get needed counseling.



• Is your partner in meaningful long term therapy?  If not then things won't get better, if anything, it has risk for getting worse.

Just about everyone here wishes they could have rescued or salvaged their relationship.  Sadly, it takes two to turn around a dysfunctional, even unhealthy, relationship.  Overall, it appears that if the other doesn't start — and stick with — meaningful therapy and apply it diligently throughout his or her life, thinking and behaviors, then things won't get much better.  You can still set firm boundaries for yourself of what you will allow or not, much better than appeasing and hoping, but the other will still be disordered.

Welcome and hello  :)


What are you struggling with the most?

How are the two of you communicating and getting along?

Any kids?

We're here to walk alongside you as you manage both the feelings and pragmatic aspects of separation from someone with BPD traits.

LnL