BPDFamily.com

hey guys! this is my first post on here and I'm really looking forward to meeting some of you guys that have been in a similar situation to me. My younger sister is 12 years old and has been diagnosed with BPD. She has been in and out of hospitals for threatening to hurt me and my immediate family (me, parents, 2 brothers), actually hurting others, and for hurting herself. she has verbally and physically abused me and my mom the worst out of my 6 person family, and she has been tormenting me for the past 5 years;that's as far back as I can recall. Telling me to kill myself, tearing down my looks, seriously attacking me, stealing from me, threatening me with a knife on multiple occasions, emotionally blackmailing me, and my family has had police in and out of our house over the past year. I'm also dealing with my own anxiety; I have generalized anxiety disorder and severe seperation anxiety, and she makes it feel so much worse. She is currently spending 5 days a week at a treatment facility for her BPD,and comes home on weekends. I am at a point where I become severely depressed when  she is around me or even in the same house as me. in May, she will be home for 4 days a week and in August, she'll be home for 6 days a week and I don't know how to handle this. I can't be around her, but I want her to get the help she needs. let me know if any of you have been in a similar situation!

I have not experienced anything like this, but just wanted to say wow, you have a lot on your plate.  Your sister is only 12 and she's been acting out in such a destructive way since she was 7?  If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?  I'm assuming you're older?

While I've never experienced anything like this, a good friend of mine has.  Her son acted out violently on a daily basis for quite awhile.  And it was really hard for them to find the right services and help.  For awhile "help" involved having him put in a hospital and having having medications adjusted.  They eventually had a lot of success with some kind of biofeedback therapy.  But I don't know much more.

As for your anxiety, have you talked to your parents about this?  Maybe they can help you find a good therapist.  I had panic attacks when I was a kid, and later in my mid-20s it got really bad for several years.  Medication helped.  But then I found a really good audio series on managing anxiety and depression.  And it really helped.  For years I felt like the anxiety was something that was just out of my control.  But the audio series taught me that it was very much in my control.  It's easy to get into a negative thought cycle with anxiety.  But if you tell yourself, "I'm okay.  These are just feelings.  I'm going to feel better tomorrow.  I'm strong."  (Rather than the usual negative: "I feel like I'm dying and losing control."  It really makes a difference.  And eventually you can get out of the negative thought patterns.  I read a book recently from a therapist who said that, in his experience, it was the people who could experience anxiety, depression and guilt who were the most emotionally healthy.  It's the people who refuse to feel those things, and deflect those feelings on people around them, that are dysfunctional. 

I wish you the best.  It sounds like you have a lot to deal with at this point in your life. 

I have to commend you on seeking advice from others and joining the site.

Your family isn't the only one with a frightening / often times stressful home. Many of us share in either part/or most of it. It sounds like you are a caring sister who wants the best for your sis. I have 2 daughters, 1 w/BPD and the other I'm sure feels many of the feelings you have.  Our D is in a residential program, she is currently only able to come home for 6 hr visits and the social worker at the house she resides is working with our family to help improve communication, work thru the past and look forward to a brighter future.  Does your sister's program offer family sessions?  If not, maybe your parent can inquire and either they can arrange and / or accommodate your family. I can tell you with counseling and learning the best way to communicate  can make all the difference in the world. Your family can become stronger than ever.

I am sorry to hear about the anxiety you are going thru. Unfortunately many people suffer in this way. The previous post is right, lots of good thoughts, "this too shall pass" thinking and explore other things that may help you personally (deep breathing, a splash of cold water on your face, calling a friend on the phone, taking a walk). Everybody is different, but I'm sure you can find something that will give you the security needed to relax and stay present.

I look forward to reading how things are going, good luck and keep doing what you are doing by being a caring sister.