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Sometimes you have these moments when a  :light: goes on. Granted, this might be more of a Christmaslight than a proper one but still.

For some reason I had this one liner in my mind my ex used to say often. He used a lot of one liners. Most -if not all- not his (so much for originality... ) but I had a particular one hovering at the back of my mind. So I decided to google it, see where it originated. Turns out it's from a song. And I guess it's not written about a guy with BPD but it might as well be... If I still had any doubts how he feels on the inside (well not doubts but tonight I was once again thinking where the h*ll this guy disappeared to I used to talk with about philosophy and literature and haikus and doing yoga together and blahblahblah) I now know for sure:

"Some Nights"

Some nights I stay up cashing in my bad luck

Some nights I call it a draw

Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle

Some nights I wish they'd just fall off

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost

Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh

Whoa oh oh (What do I stand for?)

Whoa oh oh (What do I stand for?)

Most nights I don't know anymore... .

Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh,

Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh

This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?

Why don't we break the rules already?

I was never one to believe the hype

Save that for the black and white

I try twice as hard and I'm half as liked,

But here they come again to jack my style

That's alright (that's alright)

I found a martyr in my bed tonight

She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am

Oh, who am I? Mmm... .Mmm... .

Well, some nights I wish that this all would end

'Cause I could use some friends for a change.

And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again

Some nights I always win, I always win... .

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost

Oh, Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh

Whoa oh oh (What do I stand for?)

Whoa oh oh (What do I stand for?)

Most nights I don't know... .(oh, come on)

So this is it. I sold my soul for this?

Washed my hands of that for this?

I miss my mom and dad for this?

(Come on)

No. When I see stars, when I see, when I see stars, that's all they are

When I hear songs, they sound like a swan, so come on.

Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Oh, come on!

Well, that is it guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again

Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands

This one is not for the folks at home;

Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go

Who the ___ wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?

My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she called "love"

When I look into my nephew's eyes... .

Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from... .

Some terrible nights... .ah... .

Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh,

Oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, whoa, oh, oh

The other night you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me

I called you up but we'd both agree

It's for the best you didn't listen

It's for the best we get our distance... .Oh... .

It's for the best you didn't listen

It's for the best we get our distance... .Oh... .