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Title: Sponsor is pushing me to accept my obsession Post by: JerryRG on April 18, 2016, 09:39:39 PM Spoke to my AA sponsor tonight, he's trying to break through my denial as a loved family member tries to help the addict see the reality of their lives. I've been sober for years, no desire to drink. My new addiction is/was my toxic relationship with my exBPDgf.
We read step 1 together and I put my exBPD name in place of alcohol in each reference. He's right, I let this relationship become my God, my life, my obsession. Now I move on into recovery one more time, as in the case of any substance abuse I may suffer set backs, all I can do it work to save my life. And this is life or death, misery at the least. Step One: "We admitted we were powerless over (her/him)- that our lives had become unmanageable." Stay away from my addictions, I may lose my son but if I don't stay away I will certainly lose my life. Title: Re: Sponsor is pushing me to accept my obsession Post by: Sunfl0wer on April 18, 2016, 11:12:41 PM . This sounds like a painful realization.
I am glad that you were able to share with your sponser and hear what he was conveying even though so painful. While I realize that in AA, abstinence is the path for recovery, however, in OA (overeaters anonymous), one cannot abstain from their addiction. They instead learn planning and moderation I believe, or to abstain from specific behaviors or foods? Maybe consider that your relationship as a partner with your ex is the addiction that requires abstinence, yet maybe there is a way to think of OA in terms of coparenting/parallel parenting. Maybe discuss with sponser his thoughts regarding fathering your son? Title: Re: Sponsor is pushing me to accept my obsession Post by: JerryRG on April 18, 2016, 11:28:09 PM Thank you Sunfl0wer
She accused me of raping her, the night she overdosed and I called 911 to save her life then I wept over her while she lay in recovery, I watched over her all night and watched come to the next day. And she says I raped her. How sick can anyone be? Yes I wanted what she promised me in the honeymoon phase, yes she said she'd never leave me and it was forever, this is what I held on to, this became my addiction. For that I take responsibility but for her making me out to be a cold hearted ass who used her unconscious body, is something dreamed up from hell itself. I pray I can forgive her, I pray she gets well, maybe she knows deep down inside how much I gave from my heart. Perhaps she knows she has not the love inside her to give to me. I do not care anymore, she has dealt the final blow. She cannot take anymore from me. And I know she will in the next step take my son from me as well and forever punish me for not being God. |