BPDFamily.com

I have an adult nephew who has Aspergers pretty badly.  He lives with my sister who lives next door to uBPD Mother.  He and I think the world of one another.  He is pretty much a loner and has few friends, but having known me since the day he was born, he trusts me. 

Mom thinks she is "bonded" with him because she took care of him when he was a baby.  (She tried to take over from my sister.)  However, he barely will go see her even though she is next door.  It's more due to her uBPD than to his Aspegers.

His birthday is coming up.  A few years ago, we started having "a date" the Saturday before his birthday every year,  Which is dinner and a movie. Usually a movie I don't like, and would not go to for anyone other than him (including my husband.)

I got an email from uBPD mom that she's having a Colonoscopy the Monday before nephew's birthday.  She heard that I was coming and she hopes it doesn't mess up my plans.

I would not even see her on that visit, other than stopping in to say Hi because there'd be heck to pay for the rest of the family if I don't. 

So, Mom.  Your colonoscopy on  Monday will not keep me from spending the day with my nephew the Saturday before.  It has nothing to do with you.

Hi Todayistheday,

Wow the lengths they go to steal someone else day. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Is this a DIY colonoscopy - we all know BPD like to disappear up their own backsides. A dangerous exercise considering BPD are all full of sh*t. To do this on you and your nephew’s special day, stinks.

So glad you can see this for what it is. So what movie will you be going to see ?

I think some of us here can relate when it comes to our BPDs trying to make things all about them and trying to ruin or unintentially ruining special days and other stuff. I dont know if all BPDs are being like what mentioned but the BPD in my life is and she likes to steal the day from her son (my bf) as well (she ruined her son's 30th bday and has any other special time or occasion). I don't know about your BPD and others who comment here's BPDs. But with the one in my life she can't have it seems other ppl being happy and celebrating things and moving in a good direction and having good things and successes happen to others. Its all about her and what she wants and if she dont get it and if life isnt how she wants it and she isnt happy then she makes sure to ruin everyone elses life and things that happen to them etc. It def. sucks todayistheday that your BPD is trying to ruin your nephews special day and take away from it etc. I agree with happychappy am so glad one can see stuff for what it is and you are not letting your BPD get in the way of spending time with ur nephew and making nephews day special. I too am curious what movie is one going to see?

Hi todayistheday,

Sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your nephew :) The two of you have created a nice tradition with this annual dinner and movie. Has your nephew ever explicitly expressed how he feels about your mother?

The behavior of a BPD parent can at times be frustrating indeed. Did your mother say anything else in that e-mail?

BPD is a difficult disorder and the behavior of our BPD family-members can certainly be quite tough to deal with. An important thing for us to keep in mind is that many of the members posting here are dealing with BPD relatives who do not acknowledge their problems and/or refuse to seek help. This sets them apart from the people with BPD that actually do acknowledge their issues and make concerted efforts to work on better managing their difficult thoughts and emotions. Unfortunately for many of us posting here, the reality is that our BPD relatives are not always able or willing to acknowledge their problems and are not committed to working on them. You could say that as a result we often only witness one part of the BPD reality on these boards. However, not all people with BPD behave the same way and some are actually working very hard to improve their situation.

Funny you ask about the email. The subject line was "thanks". And a one-liner thanking me for something that I did so long ago I had forgotten about it.

Then two paragraphs about her scheduled procedure.


I've told my story here a few times.

Mom has not been officially diagnosed.  I went to a therapist to get advice on how to deal with a situation -- basically having to play referee which I thought was unfair, but I was "there" for my Dad.  I expected the therapist to tell me that it was his problem and he had to deal with it.  Instead, she hypothesized that Mom had BPD and gave me the Eggshells and Borderline Mother books to read.  I only told this lady about one situation, not about the history or anything.  It was like the authors of those books followed me around and wrote my life story!  Many details match. 

Mom does think everyone around her is crazy and defective.  She had me in to see a psychiatrist over my "behavior problems" when I was in elementary school.  She had me convinced that there was something wrong with me, although I didn't know what.  The things that I did were not that different from other kids.  I went back to the therapist and told her what things I got in trouble over and she also said that they were normal things for a child my age and that the punishments were abusive.  Which I sort of always thought all along.

All that my nephew has said about  my Mom is that she's always on my Dad's case about something.  Since he's an Aspie (diagnosed), it's hard to tell what is going on inside of him.  He is very sweet.  Mom says he is hard to get along with and has anger issues.  I will ask my sister about that.  He's always fine around me.  The only slightly negative things that I see in him are that he is very set in his ways about some things and he knows.  Everything that he does goes with being a young male (25 yo)  and with being Aspie on top of it, which drops his mental age back further.

I was the scapegoat child until I left home. Now I'm golden.  Sister isn't exactly the scapegoat either.  She's not as gold as we were growing up.  My Dad is now the scapegoat.  The older they both get (he is 80), the worse she gets and the less equipped he is to handle her.

I can relate. Ruining other people's special days is my uBPDmom's specialty. Sometimes it's a total meltdown. Other times, it's a bunch of passive-aggressive jabs.

My BIL and I just had a joint birthday party (we were born a few days apart). It was full of delicious food, drinks to calm my nerves, good conversation, and all kinds of fun. Everyone was happy, but you know who. The whole time she was throwing little verbal barbs about me. I was too drunk to care.  :)