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I think the process started a couple weeks prior to the breakup and is continuing today. I am exhausted in every way. I don't deserve to be living this way -- none of us on here do -- while she is out there having the time of her life. I want to wake up with a smile on; not be afraid to go anywhere in town; breathe and live happily; and to find the person that I thought she was. Why is it that they come out of this seemingly unscathed, whereas we're left here in pieces? I won't accept lying in misery - I can't anymore. I am so tired. 

I wonder - my relationship was fairly short in comparison to many of yours (6 months). While it's impossible to put a timeline on it, I imagine it shouldn't be too long before I'm out of the thick of it, right?

This struck me.  I am a mom of someone with Bpd and not a significant other but your post spoke to me.  I asked myself the same question.  I have been no contact for 6 months. 

It doesn't go away by itself.  You have to make up your mind to start moving forward one foot at a time. Get involved.  Do something good for others.  Work on yourself in all areas.  You will find that as you get involved in other things that the thoughts slowly get less and less often.  Try it.

Eyeamme

Fateful - I totally understand how you feel. Frightened to go into town. Exhausted. Feeling like they came out unscathed.


Except... .they didn't. Remember, remember, remember. They have to live with this FOREVER. They are not happy deep inside. They have temporary pockets of happiness in their lives before they once again wreak havoc and leave a trail of broken hearts in their wake. That's not happiness.

We will heal. We will get better. We will find someone deserving of us.

I remarked on another thread that I feel sometimes as if I have aged about 1000 years in the last 6 months. I am counting down to my holiday. I didn't know it was possible to feel so tired of life in every way. But, we pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, and we crack on. Life must go on. Right now I am filling it with as much as possible and trying to remember that this is a stepping stone. This is not forever.

We will find love. Real love.

They won't.

And remember, what they project outwards, as with anyone else, is not an accurate reflection of what is going on inside. Remember the  lyrics to 'tracks of my tears' ... .or even 'tears of a clown'. Don't be fooled by what someone chooses to show outwardly, we all put on a front, them more than anyone.  Work through the pain. This too SHALL pass because the alternative is getting sucked into a vortex of grief, and personally, my life is too precious for that.

That depends on what you define as the thick of it.

The worst, the constant crying, the depression, that will pass in a few months. But really healing takes longer.

My relationship was a couple of months too, not years. I rarely cry over him anymore, I don't feel depressed, but I am still anxious of going around freely (if I could, I mean right now I can't walk but if I could I would be scared to run into him). And it's been 9 months since I last saw him and roughly a year since we broke up. I read somewhere we should count on 2 years minimum to heal.

Also you wrote about having codependency issues. To really heal and prevent another one of these relationships I would look into that.

I can't mourn anymore either. Not that I don't want to, but it has been almost 9 months and I think I am running out of mourning ability lol.  I have reached the end of the road with these sad thoughts. Time to plant a new garden in my heart and see what grows there.