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Title: Moment of clarity Post by: JerryRG on April 19, 2016, 10:14:49 AM Hello everyone
After struggling with the latest unbelievable accusation from my exBPDgf I prayed and asked for answers. My sponsor came through as others have so graciously provided insight here in these forums. I have come to the conclusion that my ex is wounded deeply by me and what I represent, she knows how much I gave to her and even though I had some of my own selfish motivations like trying to earn her love and respect, I overall did my best to help her from living on the streets to being raped (?) to helping her through meth addiction and opiate addiction and seeing her through the pregnancy and helping save her and our sons life. All the while getting dumped on, ridiculed, isolated, taken advantage of, belittled, sarcasms, disrespect, selfishness, attention, drama, chaos, childishness, abuse, accusations, threats, psychosis, physical beatings, entitlement, control, manipulation, double standards, name calling, and well you all know so no need to continue. If and when she realizes, and I don't really care because I know the truth and so does God and everyone on the side of truth, is it any wonder she lothes her very being? I never had to lie about her behaviours because they were off the chart insane and horribly frightening and hurtful. If she is so desperate to hold on to her bf that she needs to resort and rely on sick imaginary eligations then I really should feel nothing but pity for her and her bf. Again I need to forgive her, she's mentally ill and I have my issues as well, unlike her I have the capacity to get well if only through the tough yet courageous action of exposing my life, thoughts and motivations along with my defects of character and face the truth. My sponsor kicks my butt almost daily and he's not interested in being kind, he's interested in truth and saving my life. The only way to change is face our demons and walk through hell until we find a little bit of heaven. I forgive you baby, you don't know what you're doing, maybe one day you will, I wish you well. F.E.A.R, Face Everything and Recover Or Forget Everything and Run. |