BPDFamily.com

Love bombed in the beginning – it was unbelievable.  Later I found out she was running out of money and needed someone to glom onto (and move in with that would pay her way). By the way our original arrangement was she was going to contribute a token amount every month, while I pay virtually all the expenses (95%) every month, and a (100%) for everything all the time for everything else including vacations.

That changed a few months in when I came home from work one day and she was in a fetal position, crying that she had to move because she couldn’t afford to live with me because she had to contribute a couple hundred dollars each month, you know what happened next, she convinced me I had to start paying her each month.  Which, like a fool I did. That part is on me, I should have sent her packing right then and there. But I was still so close to the first three months of “Love Bombing” that I convinced myself that it would all work out. Little did I know her confusion and discombobulation was just getting started and that those first three months would never return, or anything even close.

She is emotionally stunted, except when she wants something, then she is laser focused. She has a Ph.D. in manipulation, overtly and covertly. Oh, and of course she doesn’t work. She’s too busy with stuff. Oh, oh, but she was always going to get a job. I laugh now, but it was painful watching this unfold in slow motion over many years.

From the outside she used to look very attractive (she has let herself go since we got together, I guess it’s because if I spent more money on her she would be motivated then. Oh, oh, oh, but I know now that whatever the amount was it would never be enough. Because I am apparently not enough in her eyes, except when she needs something from me. That’s when the nicey, nicey starts, but as soon as she gets what she wants, it’s back to being ungrateful, angry, condescending, arrogant, demeaning, rude and crude, oh, oh, oh, but that’s just her warm up act until the F-bombs starta-flyin. Are you starting to get what a wonderful prize I got in this one.

She told me a few years ago that “I knew what I was getting into when we got together.” Ah, no, not exactly. If I would have known then what I know now, I would have turned and run the other way.

A couple years ago I told her I was concerned that I was starting to run the credit cards up too high, I had put $20,000 on one card, take a guess what her reply was. Ok, ok…her reply was “was that all.” As if that was nothing. Well, it is nothing if you are not the one that has to go to work every day, deal with the stress and rigor of a real job, with real demands, a real boss or actually pay the credit card off.

In the final analysis, it’s about what I am willing to accept and tolerate in my life. I don’t really care what it is called, BPD, Bipolar, etc, I’m just looking at the behavior towards me, and I don’t deserve what is being continually served up.

Sure, if I would have known all this in the beginning, of course I would have still signed up (eyes rolling). I’m just putting this in the “Live and Learn” bucket and searching for some gratitude that I’m getting out after six years, not 10, 15, or more.

I'm sure there will be some tough sledding days ahead, but at least I get my life back and another opportunity to create a better life. What I don't want to do is sulk around carrying the weight of all her undealt with issues in life. That's on her - that's her journey.

Sdayka,

I too just got out of a 6 year relationship that she ended in december. I too saw the red flags and ignored them because she told me she was diagnosed bipolar and i thought i could handle it. Now that i'm out and the fog has lifted i feel the same way. I don't care if it's bipolar or BPD. Were all responsible for our behavior and how we treat someone. I know how i deserve to be treated and how i was not by her. I put up with five and a half years of rages, dyllusional jeoulousy, trust issues,lies,manipulation and physical violence by her on 4 occasions. I have never treated a woman with disrespect and i always felt that i should treat a woman like i would want a man to treat my daughter.

I was mesmerized by her beauty, her sexiness and absolutelly the sex. Other than that i found what else did she really bring to the relationship. Nothing!  Everything was about her and her sons needs. I walked on eggshells everyday never knowing what i would be accused of or have hee rage about. I have talked to numerous freinds since the breakup and when i told them how she treated me and the verbally abusive names she called me constantly they all said "what a savage". They are right she was a savage except it all took place behind closed doors. Her last words to me was "go f--k yourself" as i'm sitting in a hospital waiting room while my severelly brain damaged daughter is under going a procedure and i didn't tell her about it. We had been briken up for 2 months already and i didnt feel the need to. Like so many people said does this woman not have an ounce of compassion for you after what you have been going thru for 11 years with your daughter. No she absolutelly did not. It didn't matter if this little girls life was hanging by a thread so many times she found some reason to rage.

She sent a text 3 days ago inquiring how my daughter and i are. I refuse to ever answer this savage again. I know the man i am and what i deserve and to be treated like a savage is not for me ever again.