BPDFamily.com

So I guess there's some of you who were forced to move out and then others who chose to move out. I'm in the doing-it-by-choice group. I've had enough and I can't deal with it anymore but I'm all tore up thinking about the day I do it. I haven't nailed down a day yet, just gonna do it when the opportunity is there. I plan to get a uhaul and load as much of my stuff in there as I can and take off. But I can't stop thinking about what she's going to do/say/feel when she gets home and sees my stuff gone. Should I even be worrying about it? Is there anything I can do to lessen the pain and anguish she'll be in? I'm pretty certain she'll be throwing a fit. Or should I just dig down inside myself and find the most a**hole-ish part of me I can and not worry one bit about her feelings since she obviously never really cared about mine?

So let me know what you all did and how it turned out and if you could do it differently what would you do different?

Also, let me know if I'm way off base with my plan... .

Not sure what the best way is but I'm in a similar boat. 

I own the house with my current uBPDbf.  I've told him I need space & time, he refused to leave, so I hired a lawyer, served him papers for my down payment and I'm waiting on the lawyers.  But, since he can drag his feet on whether to keep or sell the house, my father agreed to co-sign a mtg so I can find a house and move now.  My plan is to hire a moving company and do it in 1 day - everything!  Nothing left behind etc.

Although right now it is mental torture because he knows the eventual outcome and usually about once a week I get the whole down, sad, he loves me, and is hoping for a miracle that I decide to stay.

And since I hate packing I'm procrastinating... .But I need to start!

I feel the same way, I feel like I'm procrastinating way too much. She has no idea it's coming though. On one hand I think I'm trying to plan it all out just right so I get to keep as much of my stuff as possible and hopefully deal with as little fallout as possible but on the other hand I think I'm just afraid to follow through. I'm afraid of the hurt feelings... .I don't want anyone to be hurt by my actions... .

Unfortunately, no matter what they will be hurt.  I've had to harden myself to the hurt because my uses it as a way to guilt.

That is not an option:

- your action = stay, you are hurt

- your action = leave, she is hurt

What hurt feelings are you afraid of? Hers? And which ones? Yours? Which ones? Or are you afraid of the confrontation? Or the aftermath? Or both?

I'm afraid of hurting other people. Maybe afraid is the wrong word, I get extremely stressed out thinking about someone else being distraught because of something I did. I know it's unavoidable in this situation and I shouldn't feel responsible for it but it's hard trying to remove yourself from a place of responsibility that you've been in for a long time.

Afraid though? I'm definitely afraid of the confrontation and the aftermath. I'm doing everything i can to minimize the confrontation but the aftermath is something that I'll have to deal with it when it happens. Maybe it'll be nothing, or maybe she'll hunt me down and try to get "revenge".

I left 2 1/2 weeks ago. My UBPD was supposed to be gone all that day, but decided to stay home at the last minute. Instead of taking all my stuff, I loaded up the kids for an appointment and just didn't come home. Now he is holding everything I own and says I have to get a lawyer and legally sue for my stuff. He is still controlling me!

I think this is what I'm most afraid of. Trying to plan a day when she's supposed to be gone and then her changing her plans and staying home instead.

I'm sorry you're in that situation, LilMe. But I think, if I've been reading a lot of this stuff correctly about how BPD people are, his mood should probably come around and he'll try to be nice to get you to come back. Maybe if that happens you can take advantage of the situation... .

She might not hunt you down for revenge but as you will trigger her core abandonment fears it will certainly be more than nothing.

I ended up packing as much as possible, getting my dad to bring his truck over and getting out. I knew he was going to be pre-occupied during that time. But mine is abusive and I was afraid he would potentially harm me if he found out I was leaving for good.