BPDFamily.com

How would I go about finding a good T for personality disorders?

That sounds as if you're looking for someone other than you...

Therapy is my last resort... .I can feel myself giving up on life. I doubt it will work but atleast I can say ive tried everything.

Why would it not work? Most of us here that are on the mend are in therapy. I am and it's a blessing. But you need one for you, not one for personality disorders. Unless you have a personality disorder.

That's the thing, I'm not really sure while I'm still obsessing over her and why I still love her and want her back.

Because relationships with pwBPD are really difficult to get over because/and they are often started for reasons we don't realize ourselves. Such as codependency. Still obsessing doesn't mean you have a personality disorder... .

How you find a good T depends on several things:

- what country you live in

- how health services/insurance are organized there

- what you can afford

- how therapists are trained/organized where you live

- personal preference

One of the other members had a good post a few days ago on how to find really good affordable Ts in the States. I've been trying to find it but can't seem to right now.

Thing is, I cant even be sure she has BPD the way she is carrying on with my replacement. I don't even think they've had an argument yet and its been 4 months

Stop focusing on her.

1) you don't know if they argue, you're not there

2) it doesn't matter of what is ailing her is called BPD, HPD, Flowerpot or Sidetable. If you're going to see a therapist you're going to see one because YOU are in pain and YOU need to talk.

It was right under our noses... ."For those on the fence about therapy" posted by Ahoy

So I typed in therapist in google and found a lot of different type of therapist in my area. Which type of therapist should I be looking for? (ie: psychotherapist or psychologist or occupational therapist)

Occupational therapists help disabled people live indepently. Nothing to do with what you're looking for.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/couch-meets-world/201107/psychiatrist-psychotherapist-whos-who-in-mental-health

Maybe you should try and narrow it down from another angle, not from a label angle. Look for 3 therapists nearest to you. Or your work. Or whatever is comfortable for you. Make an appointment with all 3 for an introduction. Be honest, say you are 'shopping around' because you want to make sure you have the right person for you.

If they don't want to make an appointment pick another one. Until you have 3. Go to see them. Let them talk about who they are, how they work. Ask questions. Listen to your gut. Who feels as a good fit? Who feels nice enough to empathize but strict enough to kick your but when needed? Does none of them feel good? Then shop on. The right fit is more important than if they are a phsychologist or a psychotherapist.

Generally anyone with a doctorate is going to be much more expensive, like a psychologist or psychiatrist. A therapist is much cheaper. I see a licensed counselor, but when I started seeing her she was in training. That made it cheaper.

Bear in mind there are different kinds of therapy. Lots of people use CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). My therapist uses an emotional-based practice that is good for trauma. Then there are dozens of other kinds of therapy. So you can feel like you are dealing with alphabet soup.

When you google the therapists you can usually read a description of their practice. That helps give you and idea about a fit. Most will list what kind of people they work with it, like "couples, individuals, children" and what they are good at helping, like "anxiety, grief and loss, trauma," and so forth.

Most therapists will have a free initial consult over the phone. That way you can ask questions, see if it sounds like a good fit for you before making an appointment. It's perfectly okay to decide a therapist isn't a good match.

An occupational therapist, by the way, does gross and fine motor stuff, like with stroke victims. Totally different area.  :)

Hi SoSadSoMad,

Do take a look at Ahoy's recent thread on the subject. There's lots of relevant advice there!

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=292933.0