BPDFamily.com

So I've been doing a lot of reading lately, on forums, books and also watching psych videos on youtube, a LOT of recommended recovery strategies talk about self-love, particularly achieved through mindfulness.

Now I'm pretty happy to talk to people about my emotions, but this is a strange a foreign concept to me! I've started by going for slow walks in the bush, I'll close my eyes while I walk and just listen to the sounds of the desert, I then use the time to think about my future and try and push out any thoughts of my ex until the walk is over.

I'm also listening to a mindfulness app, headspace trying to do an exercise every day. I guess over time I'm meant to appreciate living in the 'now' and eventually learn to enjoy my own company, enough that I don't need to find a partner to feel whole, rather to enhance what is already good.

Anyone on here practice this, how did it go? Self-love sounds like the holy grail of recovery!

For the record I don't think I'm co-dependent, I just have caregiver traits.

hi ahoy  

great thread. i consider mindfulness one of the most effective skills i may ever learn, though i guess to be honest, ive never gotten especially deep into it. the way i practice it is to be aware of my thoughts and feelings, but not react to them, just to observe them, sometimes to follow them with curiosity, see where they lead me, because triggers are often about whats under the surface; sometimes its obvious, sometimes its not. others use things like mindfulness meditation, or apps, or exercises, or imagery; all good stuff.

wanted to add these to the discussion:

TOOLS: Triggering, Mindfulness, and the Wise Mind   (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=64749.0)

PERSPECTIVES: What does it mean to take care of yourself?   (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=112473.msg1105451#msg1105451)

Great suggestions and I'm willing to try anything to help myself recover.

Thank you Ahoy and once removed!

Hey Ahoy and friends, I agree that learning to love and accept oneself is a cornerstone of recovery from a BPD r/s, from which many positive benefits flow.  For me, it's about loving myself enough that I will never again allow myself to be the object of someone's abuse.  I accept myself the way I am, which is the starting point for making changes, in my experience.  Sure, mindfulness is at the heart of my growth.

LuckyJim

I very much like the idea of accepting thoughts are just that, thoughts. The fact they come into our brain doesn't mean we have to focus on them and accept them as fact.

One strategy I was taught was similar to what you said Once removed, imagine that thought on a river, in a boat and just let it float away into the distance (as opposed to seeing where it goes). I use this one when I think about my ex with her new BF and for the most part it works.

Hi Ahoy,

I started using Headspace about three years ago. I go through periods where I practise every day, but when I'm very busy at work and I tend to let it slip  

I've struggled with rumination and distracting thoughts and I think it's a great tool, but it takes patience and persistence

For me mindfulness is about learning to be present in the moment and accept my feelings without judging them or being pursuing them. Try to picking over old wounds or worrying about the future. When I do that I can find joy in little things and be grateful for them. Sometimes this is easier than others. Practice is the key.

I've also worked at self love. I found inner child dialogues a great help. It takes time and effort too and it can feel awkward and uncomfortable when you start but it really helps.

I think self love is about building a relationship with vulnerable part of yourself and learning to support and love the part of you that needs connection and unconditional love.

I use written dialogues or conversations with my inner child. It can pretty weird to begin with but it's a great way to learn to love yourself. I use photo's of myself as a small child to help me identify and connect with that part of me. I  see that little part  as a small child that is looking to me and really needs to be with me. We didn't really know each other and I needed to build a relationship from scratch -  he's often felt lonely and ignored so it takes time.

I think Healthy self love isn't about narcissism or self indulgence which is trying to meet your inner needs in unhealthy ways. I think self is about connecting and supporting the small vulnerable part of yourself that wants and needs to be loved. He wants to be safe.

There are many ways practicing self love. Hanging out with your inner child (dialogues) to listen and support. Eating well so that he feels good, hanging out with friends and having fun and not smoking or drinking to excess.

Things that would do for a child of your own to make sure that they were happy, safe and connected to others.

It's sounds like you're on the right track. Keep up the good work and keep posting

Reforming

Inner child dialogue, I tried that a few days ago, to anyone standing outside my house I would have sounded like a maniac but the strangest thing happened, I blurted a few things out as the inner child without planning on it. It's a completely foreign way to deal with something but I definitely see the benefit!

Thanks for the information, I think from the replies that carrying on with this has the potential to be very positive =)