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Title: How can enforce the 51% rule without seeming horrible? Post by: oz geary on April 24, 2016, 07:18:58 PM I'm committed to staying with my BPDgf, we love each other and she is in therapy and tons better than alot of sufferers. I want to do all I can for her and 'us'. But I understand I have to keep some energy for myself. She is not totally draining but I do have hobbies and interests outside of the relationship. I know she understands this and wouldn't stop me from persuing them. But, for example, I enjoy playing video games. I don't play them loads, I'm 32 and have grown out of it abit, but I still enjoy them. She doesn't though. So how can give her all I can and still do the little things I like to do, without triggering her? Or feeling guilty? Any advice please x
Title: Re: How can enforce the 51% rule without seeming horrible? Post by: Grey Kitty on April 25, 2016, 06:46:08 PM ... .and still do the little things I like to do, without triggering her? Or feeling guilty? Not the answer you want to hear, but you can't. She's going to be triggered. Guarantee it. Whether you play video games or not, she will be triggered sooner or later. As for feeling guilty? Well, if you believe that you are doing the right thing for yourself and your family, you may (with practice) get so you don't feel so guilty. I'm going to guess that she says things specifically and very well targeted to make you feel guilty. She's not going to stop that, or if she does, it will only be when she realizes that it doesn't work to manipulate you. What you can do is decide to make yourself a priority enough that you do what you need for your sanity and wellbeing, and do it anyway even if she is triggered and you feel kinda guilty. The good news for you is that you can move the line later if you decide you either took too much for yourself or gave too much to her. What feels reasonable for you? |