BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone

I was thinking about my exBPDgf, the only thing I can really assume about her is her self hatred, she has done things to herself and allowed others to do things that are truly sick. She claims many many rapes and her suicide gestures are way to many to count.

It was obvious to me she hated herself before I started a relationship with her and I thought I could save her.

My point? She's a master at broadcasting her victum status and there are guys who like me want to save her before she can destroy herself or realize her potential. Then the most horrible thing imaginable takes over and she turns on the rescuer and begs for conflict as if to fulfill her need to be treated poorly thus assuring herself she deserves to be treated like trash?

My ex practically begged for fights as if to invite conflict, she fed off violence. She asked me to hit her one time.

So she uses me to abuse herself?

No wonder I'm torn up in confusion, I'm just a pawn in her sick play, I'm forced to do the very thing I never wanted. Hurting someone who I love.

How else do I go from rescuing to fighting with her all the time.

Does she hate herself so much she builds a loving relationship only to destroy it proving she does not deserve love?

I hope I haven't slipped another cog and I'm way off point.

Don't know how I managed to post this twice 

8 years ago I felt forced to rescue my wife and get her into rehab, this was while she had her own apartment and we were seperated with divorce papers on the table (we reconciled after rehab).  She asked me to clean her apartment when she was in rehab, she was being evicted and her mother was flying in to handle the clean out, but she didnt want her mother to see certain things in the apartment.  Besides having to clean out all the condoms and vibrators, most importantly she had me remove a 9mm pistol and large bowie knife from under her mattress.  To this day I never got a real explanation as to why she had these, I assumed there was a sexual component to them which she denied.  She didnt know how to operate the safety on the pistol, let alone how to fire it.  That was an eye opener, just wish it could have opened my eyes wide enough to not take her back yet again though.

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This was split from its original location due to it deserving its own topic of discussion

Thank you waverider

I was tired when I posted this and the strangest thing happened about a half hour after. My mind did a complete reversal and all I could remember is the behaviours I did to harm my exBPDgf. Completely lost touch with her issues and started feeling guilty and blaming myself for our relationship not working.

I cycled again and put the blame on myself, though I know the extent of her crazy I am allowing myself to take the blame.

Confusion indeed, trauma bonding, gaslighting.

My pastor told me last night that I am a good man but far too trusting of orhers, I guess I would rather be a little too trusting than a complete **** but I'm not going to allow my ex back into my life ever again.

I wouldn't spit on her if she were on fire, well we know she really wouldn't be on fire, she would probably just have her cigarette lighter lite and believe she was on fire?

Detoxing my brain and body will take some time, I have time, I have motivation, I have self love and respect.

Being gentle with myself

Thanks again bpdfamily  

From what I read is that there has to be some sort of conflict for BPDs. Peacefulness to them does not seem right. Hopefully I am wording this right... .What I've learned is that they have to create conflict because that is what they are used to and seems right to them.

Basically the same happened to me. I tried to save my exBPDgf and paid for it. I've learned a huge lesson on that for future relationships. The sad thing is that some of these people are not aware that they have a problem. They think all this behavior is normal until they hit rock bottom some of them realize something is not right.

That is the thing. I believe they make themselves to be the victims because it is easier than accepting their own behavior. That is like self imploding to them. You know how mine play the victim? She told everyone on Facebook that I had broken up with her EVERYONE. Then she laughed it off. I am pretty sure she was drunk when she did that. I could tell on her written words that she was intoxicated.

They cry on their own for their own behavior but they don't show that side of themselves to anyone else. But the saddest of it all is that they don't seek help for their own sanity and everyone else’s.

Very true and thank you Notsurewhattothinkofthis

I offered her solutions which to me were very simple to understand, I am an alcoholic and I grew up in an alcoholic/drug addicted family, I learned codependancy, I have many character defects to conquer, I need exercise, I used to smoke, I have been in counceling all my adult life, AA, Alanon just the last 3 years (this would have prevented this r/s ever beginning if I'd stayed involved)... .BECAUSE I want to be healthy and I don't want to mess up other people's lives, I'm still a **** at times but at least I'm trying.

I've been working on these things and it the solution is simple, the work is not easy.

All we can do is help ourselves and let our loved ones learn on their own, I prayed for my exgf to hit bottom, I'm afraid she enjoys suffering and bottom to her is the norm.

Cmon man, you know everyone has a rock bottom, sometimes you think they are there and they are not. But, they WILL find it.

I hope so Makersmarksman

She needs a lot of help and she's the only one unaware of it.