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Anyone have any advice for a man that has a pregnant BPD ex that wants nothing to do with him or want him around at baby doc appts?

Hello drummerboy5

My exBPDgf was mean before she got pregnant but after she got extremely out of control, became violent and she basically cut me out of her and our unborn babies life. She is an addict and her thinking was this baby is going to keep her from using. So I was nothing anymore and pushed out.

Not sure because my first wife had no problems, no morning sickness at all. My exgf was still abusing opiates before and during her pregnancy. Court ordered into 3 months of treatment and blamed me for supplying her meds, I gave her a few Tylenol but I've never been a drug addict or a seller. She was dealing meth before this and abusing it too.

Like anything pwBPD are not going to act typically in any given situation as far as I know. If you know the baby is yours then take this time to relax and get ready for the birth? I wasn't even asked to be at my son's birth.

Once the baby is born I'm sure she will need all your help, my ex made it impossible for me to be around our son, she kept him from me the first 6 months. I don't think I got to bond with him but again the awful things she did will harm her in the end.

Good luck and I hope your ex will allow you to be part of this wonderful process.

Welcome to the board, Plumber.  I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time with your ex.  Perhaps you'd find better advice on the Family Law board. I can understand that you're looking to detach from her but not from your child - did I understand that correctly?  If so, you have a lot of legal decisions to make as well as personal decisions on how you want to proceed.

Yes, we have had some guys post on here before about pregnancies that in the end turned out to be not true so perhaps (if she isn't showing yet) you should first wait to see if she really is pregnant.

That's correct, that has happened before as well.  It was basically a "don't leave me" tactic.  I feel another good option is to have a parental test done if she is, in fact, pregnant.  Since cheating seems common with pwBPDs, I would advise to have the test done.  That should be part of the legitimizing process anyway.  :)emanding a test isn't denying the child in anyway, it's just to be sure that said child is yours.  I know of a guy who was told the child was his and later it came out it wasn't.  She found him to be the most stable option and told him the child was his.  I'm not saying this is Plumbers case, however if his ex is BPD, it's advisable he get the test - whether she gets mad or not is irrelevant to Plumber.

Plus, if he's forced to get a test via the court, this will also give him legal options to pursue custody if/when he decides to.  Basically, what I'm saying is (presuming she is pregnant) he's better off knowing the child's his from the start.  She could always claim later that the child isn't and he have to go through a very expensive legal battle later.  It's just a simpler process now rather than later.

Plumber: how're you holding up through all this?  :)o you have a good support system?  How're you going about detaching from her (not the child)?

And that would have been my next point  *)

But pointless unless pregnant so let's start with that one first.

A claim to be pregnant can also, as I have now learned from this board, be a test to see how someone responds. Or just a cry for attention. Or a story to deflect from other issues that might seem to be getting to big at the time. So many possible reasons to claim to be pregnant while not being pregnant.

Wow!  You are going through the same thing I am at tje moment!  My ex is about 10 weeks pregnant, and we split up about 2 weeks ago.  She found another guy 3 days after we split up!  I know when and where her next appointment is, but I don't think I can look her in the face right now after knowing that she has moved on to a new guy so soon after we split while she's pregnant with my child!  I'm just going to try to heal myself for the time being, and see if she reaches out to me to be a part of the pregnancy.

I can't eat or sleep thinking about her with this other guy!  I have gone into a severely deep depression, and cannot see how another human being could be so cold and heartless!

You can read my post from two days ago and see if it is a similar situation!

I hope you can find the help you're looking fpr on here!

Hi ladies and gents. I'll give a little more info. We were together for about 4 months and it was an on again off again relationship... We broke up and got back together and Boom pregnan. She was out with another man the day before we got back together FYI. I proposed and got treated like crap. She has called me every name in the book and after proposing/ being treated like crap I left. She's tried to charm a few times but I haven't seen her in five months. She will contact me once every month or so , but blocks contact a few days later.

She is 100% pregnant as I went to sonogram... She threatened to ruin my life and reputation if I didn't pay her insurance co pays... I'm not allowed at baby doc appts anymore because I told her I wanted everything to go through the court(DNA test) and she got upset... Right before we broke up the last time I found beer bottles hidden in her bathroom while pregnant, she said they were old bottles. She lives with family and has stash places for her alcohol. She a alcohol addiction our whole relationship... She is now 7 months pregnant and I have been blocked on fb and contact from her almost the whole pregnancy... She has named the child without me and said she will be giving the child her last name as my name isn't good enough. I was upset over that deal and her response was, as long as I'm happy everyone is is happy

She's due in a few months btw.

JERRYRG: I think my ex will alienate the child from me as she is already referring to the child as hers and not ours... I've started therapy to help.

Hey drummerboy5

I noticed this too, he was always her son until he got her upset then it was your son. I can only guess what's she telling our son. I just focus on what I can change

My exe was all flirty with another man as soon as we split. I feel your pain brother! I've been battling depression from things I can't understand and how someone that said she loved me could disrespect me the way she has... My therapist has helped a lot and keeps telling me it's not you it's her. Still hard to deal with tho :/