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Title: Article explains 'why' we are so attached Post by: LilMe on April 28, 2016, 09:01:36 AM https://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/2015/04/27/your-brain-on-love-and-the-narcissist-the-addiction-to-bonding-with-our-abusers/
Just wow. This article explains scientifically why we are so attached and have such a hard time breaking away from our BPD. It is titled as being about narcissists, but it applies to BPD just as well. We are not crazy! We are chemically tied to these people. Title: Re: Article explains 'why' we are so attached Post by: JerryRG on April 28, 2016, 09:10:39 AM Thank you LilMe
Title: Re: Article explains 'why' we are so attached Post by: once removed on April 28, 2016, 10:21:53 AM BPD is a very different disorder than NPD and the implications for detaching and healing are very different for both. it helps to stick to clinical information about whichever disorder we were dealing with.
its probably not as simple as us not being crazy, and just chemically tied. we are chemically tied to anyone we bond with; those chemicals facilitate bonding. generally speaking, we have our share of issues (everyone does). this is a great place to face them and work through them, with support, when we are ready. The Biology and Neuroscience of Breaking Up (https://bpdfamily.com/content/breaking-up) Title: Re: Article explains 'why' we are so attached Post by: JerryRG on April 28, 2016, 12:14:10 PM Thank you once removed
Title: Re: Article explains 'why' we are so attached Post by: LilMe on April 28, 2016, 01:42:13 PM Sorry, once removed! I have read your linked article many times and it certainly helps. It doesn't address my full problem, I suppose :) I am the one who broke it off. My head knows I did the right thing and that the mirroring and projecting and intermittent reinforcement and abuse, etc. were very real, but I have a hard time understanding why I miss him! It is certainly chemical as well as psychological mixed in with a messy childhood. My biggest hope is that I can help my children have healthy relationships as children and adults.
Title: Re: Article explains 'why' we are so attached Post by: once removed on April 28, 2016, 02:04:36 PM i do think those of us who broke things off, vs those of us who were left also have different (neither less challenging) implications for healing. those who break it off tend to suffer tremendous and overwhelming guilt, for example.
as to why you miss him, sure, a lot of it is chemical and psychological, but surely there were good qualities about him and/or the relationship. i say that not because i assume youd deny that, but that you illustrate very well, the battle between the head and the heart. some of us struggle with remembering too much of the good (recalling the bad can center and balance us), some of us are fixated on the bad as if there were no good (one need not focus so much on the good in this case, but mentally acknowledge it.) youre right: theres nothing wrong with you for feeling for someone who, on one hand you probably shared many intimate, loving, and vulnerable moments with, and on the other hand abused you and caused you great pain. it takes a lot of time to sort out. have you had a chance to read this: https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog im not sure if its entirely relevant, but it speaks to the loaded bond i think youre describing, and i think many of the dynamics in the article are relevant for those that broke it off. |