BPDFamily.com

Hi,

I recently started a thread https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=293173. I was basically debating whether or not to try to work on the relationship (probably idealizing).  But after a long day of trying to get my head around the situation and researching and reading, I have decided that I wish to remain single and need this woman as far away from me as possible.

So I need a little advice if possible... .

I broke it off over a week ago.  It ended by a load of blokes coming into the pub (I had my 3 kids there at the time), looking for me as she had been telling them that I'd been beating her.  I think we all know the truth there.  She would rage and just turn into a psycho when drunk... .and she really liked to drink.  So it was at that point I just sent a text saying "we're done".  A couple of nights after that she sent me a text saying that she had shared on instagram, screenshots of "vile" things id texted her in the middle of arguments, so that my 10 year old daughter can see them as they were "friends". I immediately rang my ex wife and asked her to block the exBPD.   Weve had minimal contact since and yesterday was the first full day of no contact.

The problem is that she still has a key for my house.  All along, whenever we broke up (which must have been reaching maybe 15-20 times), she would hold on to the key. Nothing is different now. I do not want to trigger her in the slightest, good god no, but I need to know what the best thing is to do.  The minimal contact I spoke of was that she is stating that I still have a framed picture of her, and once I find it we can swap picture for key.

Now Ive had a look but I cant find it. She suggested I look in the shed... .I really cant be bothered.  Im pretty sure I packed it with her stuff on one of the many times we broke up.  So I guess Im screwed.

So, what do I if she tries to contact me asking if Ive found it... .? coz she will.  Do I continue radio silence (or will this anger her?) and basically change the locks? or do I respond with "not yet", or "I really cant find it"... .for all I know its sitting on her bedside table and she's looking at it as she's texting... .   

Jesus, this is crazy... .How the hell did I get myself into this?  Wow.  One things for sure, I'm strong enough to get out of it... .I just need the right education... .Im going to treat this as another challenge that life throws at you... .This is a whole world of crazy... .wow... .again!

One thing I have realised though is that I have always been a co-dependent. I just didn't realise... .So her adoration at the beginning was perfect fit for me... .I have always seemed to attract these types... .I often wondered why... .And now I realise its more about what I wanted and that I wanted to be regarded as a hero, to save the damsel... .  So Im going to look at this as a positive, as I never would have known this about myself, had it not been for her... .

Many thanks.

hi confusedbloke  

parts one and two seem simple enough to me. part one: yes, i strongly encourage you to change your locks, immediately. part two: youre pretty sure you packed her picture (was that a gift to you?). youve looked for it. you havent found it. to be frank with you that is no longer your problem (i wouldnt necessarily take her word that she doesnt have the picture either). if she contacts you to ask you about that specifically, id tell her i am sorry, i have not found it anywhere, i will send it to you if i do. end of story, no debate.

its not simple, of course, and she sounds prone to escalating, sending a group of men after you, and especially having dragged your daughter into this mess, which is low, but unfortunately not uncommon. dont rule out a restraining order in the event this continues, or whatever legal options you have.

Change the locks... .pain in the butt, but necessary. They always come up with a reason for contact... .look up going grey rock and don't fall for the drama. Become boring and be calm... .eventually she will lose interest.

Change the locks. Home depot, screwdriver, peace and quiet the end. I did mine immediately. Good luck coming in now.

Everything Onceremoved said on everything + everything the others said on changing the locks. Last time this group of guys were at the pub. Next time they are in your house. Change.locks.now.