BPDFamily.com

So... I got a text from my stbexBPDw...

How horrible she feels and that she feels like she has destroyd her life...

I mean how do you reply to that ? Any correct answer? Where is this leading?

And why is she telling me ? She is the one who wanted divorce... .And she is the one who slept with a guy soon after she moved out.

Am i suppose to feel sorry for her ?

This is really confusing! 

And i feel a bit stunned... .   

Hey Bushido, It's to be expected that your Ex will get back in touch with you, in order to test the waters and see if you are still hooked on the line.  Due to their fear of abandonment, they will usually reach out for contact with an Ex.  If you're not meeting their needs, they often resort to F-O-G (fear, obligation and/or guilt) in order to manipulate your emotions to get your attention.  Just the way it is.  Part of the push/pull dynamic with a pwBPD.  There's no right or wrong answer, other than for you to figure out what you want to see happen.  E.g., do you hope for a recycle?  Do you want to move on?  The ball is in your court, so-to-speak.

LuckyJim

I like Lucky Jim's answer. Very apt. Highlights what seems to be a typical BP post-breakup method. Ball is in your court. Thanks, I also found it helpful. :)

Thanks for that lucky jim. . .

But what is this recycle? Getting back together?

I mean that's not possible. . not after all this and how she did it.

And the kids ?  And her new hook guy ?

This just makes no sense... .

Welcome to Borderline Personality DISORDER. It isn't supposed to "make sense". Be careful not to hurt yourself.

LOL thanks JohnLove. Made my Sunday.

Bushido,

This is her "sticking her toe" in the waters to see if you are interested in getting back together.

It is likely that if you validated her emotions and followed the rules on this site that you would be able to rekindle something. 

It sounds to me like that you have no interest in rekindling something romantic with her. 

I see two options.

1.  Ignore it

2.  Respond with a way that will increase the likelihood that she will "hear it".  Or "hear" that you are saying no, go eff yourself (whatever the message is). 

In that case I would thing responding in some sort of SET format is the best.  Remember that pwBPD many times need their emotions "prepared" to listen to what you actually have to say, vice what they want to hear. 

So, if you just said "piss off I am done with you" she could see that as in invitation to fight or engage in drama.

If you were supportive and expressed empathy and then followed it with a message saying you no longer have romantic interest in her it is more likely that she will actually "get" the real message you are sending.


No guarantees, this is all a bit of reading tea leaves and making assumptions.

FF

let´s just say that at one point. . . i told my self. . .

" i will try my best to help her until she leaves . . .but when she does, then she´s got to find her own way"

so i guess i in a way set a boundry ( the only one i guess ) and she crossed it.

up until that moment . . . things were different.

But we seem to be heading to a divorce war... .

(she want´s me to pay half of her idiotic dept chaos)

i don´t know . . . i´m just tired of non stop fighting ( over something or nothing)

i just need to find my self and go from there...

Right, Bushido, you do need to find yourself again.  A good place to start is by listening to your gut feelings.  Seems like you may already be doing that!  I lost myself for a while there in my marriage to my BPDxW, which was not fun.  Now I'm divorced and back on my path.

LuckyJim